If You Forget Me

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists.
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But,
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined to me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving me.

I stumbled upon this poem when I was doing research about this great Chilean poet. While listening to Clint's masterpiece scores from Changeling, I kept on reading this piece over and over again until it came across my mind on how difficult it is for two souls embracing love.

In other event, I finally have seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. The movie is stunning. Bolstered by cunningly directed cinematography, the movie has a story about the truth of life to tell.

My name is Harvey Milk, and I am here to recruit you - Milk

Sean Penn, Emile Hirch, Gus Van Sant and James Franco worked together in a film production. What more can I ask for? These amazing people, the artists I admire the most, collaborated together to produce Milk.

It didn't take me much time to look for this movie. Living here out of nowhere in Lafayette, I don't have many choices of movies to see in cinemas as the idea of clustering in Econ370 is not really applied to this town yet. As the overrated Twilight hit cinemas couple weeks ago, it could be said that they show that movie in every hour in every cinemas! So, with the hope of not being disappointed for spending couple bucks to drive down to Indianapolis, me with 2 other climbing buddies watched, a biopic, Milk 2 days ago.

Compared to other political assassinations: John Kennedy, Martin Luther King and Robert Kennedy, Harvey Milk's could be easily lost in this parade of these great dead leaders, in which also being gunned down, along with Mayor George Moscone, in 1978, couple months after being elected as the 1st openly gay man elected to major political office. But, Gus Van Sant, the maker of Elephant, Mala Noche, Paranoid Park, My Own Private Idaho, or the more commercial ones, Good Will Hunting and Finding Foresster, beautifully memorialized Harvey Milk in his recent oeuvre, Milk.

It all begins when Harvey Milk (Sean Penn) was a NYC insurance executive, closeted and clean-cut. On the steps down to the subway he picks up Scott Smith (portrayed with flirtatious charm by a hottie, James Franco - well-known as PeterParker's best friend in Spiderman). Trying to get to a better place where they can be themselves and surrounded by people who accept them as they are, they both moved to Castro, San Francisco's gay village within Eureka Valley. This is where Milk's political and personal life revolved.

I am no lesbians, gays, bisexuals, or transgender activist. Whatever you think about homosexuals (or politicians), you may find the movie worth seeing. Milk, embodied by Sean Penn in an extraordinary and self-effacing performance, takes the same journey of self-discovery that so many ordinary people must.

What do I write?

I found this link from Doc: Bed Story. People are asking me what am rambling about in my blogs. At one point, I'm kinda curious about what people think about me when they read my entries. So, this website pretty much has an accurate idea about me or my blog, at least. 

Just put on your blog address and it'll tell you about your blog or personality.

This is the analysis it tells about my blog. 

ESFP - The Performers 

"The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves. 

The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions."

 

Wade Robson - Beautiful performer

Pn. Azian, my notorious C++ instructor back in INTEC, always reminded me about a program's robust. I tested Azwan's blog and the result is kinda funny. Check it out by yourself.

Calamity?

Calamity? Worth it or not?

"We like to think we're fearless, eager to explore unknown lands and soak up new experiences, but the fact is, we're always terrified. Maybe the terror is part of the attraction. Some people go to horror movies. We cut things open. Dive into dark water. And at the end of the day, isn't that what you'd rather to hear about? If you've got one drink and one friend and 45 minutes. Slow rides make for boring stories. A little calamity. Now that's worth talking about."

Quantitatively speaking, "Well, it depends on the end result. Investment and Time value of Efforts can be calculated". But how about the process?

RIP Ben and Laura

Climbing at the Red river gorge has been a beautiful part of my journey in the US. Sometimes, in the middle of freaking hectic life as a student on campus, it randomly comes across my mind how nice it was if I were in the Red, camping out at Miguel's Pizza, rocking the rocks, hanging out with climbers, enjoying hand made pizza with self-grown vegetables and chatting about lots of stuff. I made tons of friends at the Red both local climbers and foreigners. They are all friendly and fun to be friend with. The environment is always warm that everybody is being nice to each other. It does not matter who you are, where you're coming from and whether you are a good climbers or not, everybody respects each other equally.
Today, I was so in shocked when I found out that two climbers at the Red River gorge were dead on a crag. Here's what I got from my club's mailing list:

"The two passed at global village around monday. Ben left Miguels monday with Laura. Their plan was to climb white-out and lower to the ledge to climb " The Man Behind the Curtain". Tuesday afternoon Jordan and Kobes drove by the parking lot and realized Ben's car was still there. Worried for their friend, they hiked up to the wall. They found Ben and Laura dead at the base of the cliff. They quickly ran down and called 911. At the scene Ben had Laura on belay and she was tied in. Ben was farther down the hill than her. Today Dan and I rapped in from the top to discover what happened. It appears that they climbed "white-out" and then lowered to the ledge half way up the wall. This ledge is the belay for the 11a "Man behind the Curtain". From what we could tell, they decided not to climb it........there was no chalk.... The anchors on the ledge were two rusty bolts with webbing run through them. At the ledge we found the webbing was broken. On the ground we had found a rap ring with blood on it.

They must have put the rope through the rap ring and started lowering Laura. The webbing broke, pulling Ben with her. There was no gear on the anchors, so we think he went in direct to the sling that he was lowering her with. The webbing was completely white. Where the webbing was against the bolt there was a faint color of its original color, dark purple. We assume they didn't notice the poor condition of the webbing."

I literally wept when I read this that this could happen to good climbers who had been climbing for almost their whole lives. And they were those people who I met regularly and talked to when I went to the Red. Now, they are dead because of falling on a climbing route.
Rest in peace Ben and Laura~

War!

Today, I am declaring WAR towards OREOS!!!
*strategies - Hakim as a weapon (give him all the Oreos left to finish as quick as his body can absorb which relatively faster than mine)
- more vegetables to be acquired from Allies (wal-mart and food mart)
- Corec as training field!

Waaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhh!!!!!

POCtoberfest (Purdue Outing Club October Fest)

It's an hour before ECON370 (International Trade) mid-term.
Kind of ready except for couple of ideas about how environmental regulation affects International trade.
STAT416 (Probability) mid-term at 6:30.
Tired of rolling dice and shuffling decks for past few days.
But...Bah! Don't give a shit.
Because, on top of those,
Totally excited for POCtoberfest tomorrow!!
Place: The New River Gorge, West Virginia
Date: Oct 11-13 (8 hours driving in Endo's car!)
Activities: Climbing, climbing, climbing and CLIMBING!

oh ya, found this superb websites pertaining to poetry.
Puisi-poesy
Yang Tercetus Lalu Bersuara
Bernice Chauly

Check them out!

Off to W. Virginia!

A Tag

Starting time: 7.53 a.m. US EST
Name: Mohd Hanif Kamis
Sisters: 2
Brothers: 2
Shoe Size: 9.5-10
Height: 178 cm
Where do you live: home

have you ever been on a plane? yes

swam in the ocean? like tengah2 laut? no

fallen asleep in school? hell yeah

broken someone's heart? yes!

fell off your chair? a lot masa sek rendah

sat by the phone and waited all night for someone to call? nah...

saved emails? yeah. important ones

what is your room like? hmmm...typical pemalas org bujang. ask addin!

what's right beside you? calculator, STATS hw and iPOD

what was the last thing you ate? toast bread and fish sticks

ever had chicken pox? masa kecik2

like picnics? not really when I have to set up t BBQ. Kalo makan je suka la!

who was/were the last person you dance with? OMG! Laurie, Kate and Jenny! White boys dance!

last made you smile? people at Tent in Town

you last yelled at... i don't yell

today did you talk to someone you like? not yet.

kissed anyone? emmmm.... *wink*wink*

get sick? occasionally

talked to an ex? yup! even closer than before but still be careful with the barrier

missed someone? OMG! tons of people

who do you really hate? I don't hate people

do you like your handwriting? Hell yeah!

are your toenails painted? nope.

whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in?
Josh Hess and Mark

what colour shirt are you wearing right now? Don't ask me about color.

are you a friendly person? not a question to be asked to me

do you have any pets? never

do you sleep with the tv on? nope. really light sleeper

what are you doing right now? working in computer lab. And about to leave soon! Thank God!

can you handle the truth? with time

are you closer to your mother or father? I would say mom.

do you eat healthy? freakingly healthy

do you steal pictures of you and your ex? Steal? No.

if you're having a bad day, who would you most likely go to?
I'd rather keep it to myself. After all I don't complain a lot about my life until it could bring me down. But if it's TOO bad, I'd go to Josh or Kate

are you loud or quiet most of the time?
Loud! Very loud in every sense

are you confident? most of the time

5 things i was doing 10 years ago:

1. main mercun dlm kelas agama petang2.
2. Played trumpet in school band.
3. Main bola petang2.
4. Main nyorok2 kat newly constructed taman, jatuh from the bumbung and patah tangan. Lied to my mom that I fell from bike.
5. Didn't have any idea that I'd be here now.

5 things i would do if i am a billionaire:
1. Go to Alaska, India, China, and Egypt
2. Shopping!
3. Beli camping and climbing gears yang telah lama diidam-idamkan!
4. Ambitiously climb K2.
5. Kasi family sket.

5 of my bad habits:
1. Too random!
2. pemalas.
3. health freak.
4. good liar
5. selalu susahkan org.

5 places i am living in:
1. 101 N. Russell St.
2. Changlun Kedah
3. Temerloh Pahang.
4. Gurun, Kedah
5. Kuala Rompin Pahang

Ramadhan

Ily's recent post gives me the idea to write down this entry. This year's Ramadhan is quite different than last year's as we started on early September, which bring forward iftar as late as 830 p.m. in Lafayette (it's getting earlier though). And it's a bit tiring at the beginning. My 1st day was in my so-called-hometown, 'The Red River Gorge, KY', specifically, Miguel's Pizza.

It was the weekend of labor day plus a canceled morning class on the coming Tuesday, which gave me along with Kate, Adrian and Andy plenty of time having a relaxed-climbing trip. It was not until 3 hours I left Purdue that I called Addin asking solat time, which I rarely forget to jot down before heading to The Red, I figured the 1st of Ramadan was the coming Monday!

There was no problem at all fasting at The Red plus climbing at least 4 routes per day. On Monday after done climbing, Jenny came with an idea to do drive-in movie. And it was gonna be 3 movies back to back! Oh ya, drive-in movie or theater is a form of cinema structure consisting of a large outdoor screen, a projection booth, a concession stand and a large parking area for automobiles. So, basically we pay $2 for each movies and of course drive in into parking area, turn on radio channeled through the frequency given, sit back, grab popcorn and enjoy!

So, Jenny decided, as she always does, to have an early dinner at a Mexican restaurant. I didn't tell them that I was fasting that day. We drove 30mins away from Miguel's and got into this fancy Mexican restaurant in Winchester. When it came to my turn to order, I just said no, which was totally surprising everybody. It is uncommon for us not to have a big meal after such a tiring day of climbing as we always have at least 4 big slices of Miguel's Pizzas. Also, we kinda climbed a bit harder than days before since it was the last day.

As I told them that I was fasting because of Ramadhan, because Muslims before me had to do so, I can neither drink nor eat anything at all bla bla bla, I was bombarded with tons of questions!

Andy: "What if when you're climbing, you're sweating and the sweat drop into your mouth?"
"What if when you brush your teeth and you drink some water?"
"What if I shovel pizza into your mouth now?"
"What if you climb, falls and almost dying in need of water?"
It all came at once! And I was like "Andy..." but Kate goes "Stop it Andy! Otherwise you're gonna be thrown into the Hell." I didn't know whether to laugh or not, but Kate's response making sure I was not troubling myself answering those questions, considering that I was starving, I found hilarious.

The best part of it was when I bought this super duper delicious ikan bakar to eat while watching movies. AND of course Ale-8, a kind of soda which I brought some home a while ago and some people thought they were beers, which doesn't offend me at all. AND drive-in theater was great! I think better than normal theater.
Hmmm.... I miss the Red....

Dude next to me

So..
It was 930 in the morning. I was so sleepy in WTHR200 com lab.
Was transferred from SC G076. WTHR200 was locked...I couldn't get in...had to call site operator...she was late..people kept on asking me why it's closed...bla bla bla bla...
I started working at 645, ONE and HALF an hour to go.
Need to study for STAT quiz later.
Need to collect materials for my OIL! class paper, which is due tonight.
Need to read a play for my Sound Technology Design final project.

AND all of sudden, there was this kid sitting next to my computer station goes,
"Excuse me, how many electoral votes does it take to win presidential election? 273 or 270?"

I was like, what? how the hell on earth SHOULD I know about it? Do not I look Asian enough not to be asked such question?

But looking at how he was in hurry writing a paper next to me, I just tembak by confidently goes "273."

He thanked me and continued writing. But I felt bad if it was a wrong answer. So, I googled the question and found out it's actually 27.
"Dude, it's 270."

He thanked me again.

I think I should read Paan's blog a lot. Putting the fact that Computer Lab Assistants NEED to be customer friendly. What a policy....

Circle

Getting back to the Red last week was a hell of fun. Climbing three days in a row, 4-5 routes a day, leading couple of tens and catching up with climbers at Miguel's were something worth for after a long vacation back to Malaysia, though I missed PUMSA's callout.

Not even an hour we left Miguel's, it came across my mind how much I miss the woods. But with these people surrounded around me, I supposed my life at Purdue will be 'wild' enough to pull me off of any bewilderment living in the States.

Justin Kranzman - We started climbing together a year ago

Andy Constantino - Climbing consultant (A flexible climbing beast)

Kate Sipla -Best storyteller ever!! plus she works at Von's, one of my fav places in Lafiesta. We share lots of stories! Gossip buddy!

Jenny Farney - Ex-climbing consultant, who once told me she had a crush on me! Uhuk! uhuk! She's a bit uptight..

Marc Dillon (yeah...Marc with 'c'). A climbing teacher of mine. He's a good climber himself, for sure.

Randy Hart - Just a buddy!

Mark Endo (Don't have a picture of him just himself). He's my brother over here. Always always always be there for me.

Hell yeah! That's a CIRCLE apple pie I made for iftar just now..

Weekend & Labor day

Off to The Red River Gorge, Kentucky!

It's him again

I'm always looking for the best definition of 'life' until I came across this clips a while ago. He illustrated one of the best definition I've yet heard.

Reminiscing

I've heard that it's possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don't go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope against all logic, against all experience, like children, we never give up hope.

After careful consideration, and many sleepful nights, here is what I have decided, there is no such thing as a grownup. We move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own. But the basic insecurities, the basic fears, and all those old wounds just grow up with us and just when we think life and circumstance force us to be an adult your mother says something like that, or worse something like that. We get bigger. We get taller. We get older, but for the most part we're still a bunch of kids running around the playground desperately trying to fit in.

-Meredith Grey (Yesterday)

In it

So go ahead. Argue with the ref, change the rules. Cheat a little, take a break and tend to your wounds. But play. Play. Play hard, play fast... play loose and free. Play as if there were no tomorrow. It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game... right?

-Meredith Grey (Name of the game)

Belief

One Swaying Being

Love is not condescension, never
that, nor books, nor any marking

on paper, nor what people say of
each other. Love is a tree with

branches reaching into eternity
and roots set deep in eternity,

and no trunk! Have you seen it?

The mind cannot. Your desiring

cannot. The longing you feel for
this loves comes from inside you.

When you become the Friend, your
longing will be as the man in

the ocean who holds to a piece of
wood. Eventually, wood, man, and

oceans become one swaying being,

shams Tabriz, the secret of God.





-Rumi

2 months plus

• Currently 2 weeks away from heading back to the states
• Have been watching lots of Olympics programs, E.R., The Oprah Winfrey Show, already-memorized-lines Grey's Anatomy season 4, and of course GA's sibling, Private Practice.
• Have seen Hellboy, The Dark Knight, The X-Files, Get Smart, Wanted, Sepi, and Kung Fu Panda.
  
• Have met the oh-my-god-oh-my-god happening Hiking and Camping Club's members and alumni. All I can say is that was an amazing reunion, even though I had to leave early.
• Have been meeting up with close relatives and school buddies; a huge reunion is coming up. Can't wait for that.
• Have settled up some 'need to be done' matters. Perhaps.
• Currently reading wittingly crafted 'Empire Falls' by Richard Russo.
• Have made progress in driving cars. A surprise for Mark Endo and Kate Sipla is coming up!
• Went to Thailand and traced Kochem until Bangkok. But, failed...
  
• Reconciliating. A lot.

Counting days. Again, contemplating on the feelings I should have now.

it's a Tag!

one, do you believe in love at first sight?
always!

two, have you ever felt stupid and why?
yup. in making some decisions. rather say, "mistakes"

three, who do you wish to see right now?
AT gang!

four, if you can have one dream to come true, what would it be?
meeting damien rice.

five, do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
hmmm....not really

six, do you like being who you are today?
better than yesterday

seven, would you change who you are for your lover?
depends.

eight, if you meet someone you love, would you confess to him or her?
confessing? sure!

nine, are you selfish?
yes, at MOST of the parts

ten, have you cheated the one you love?
yup

eleven, which type of cars you love the most?
not really into cars...apa2 pun boleh.

twelve, which do you prefer from your other half, hug or a kiss?
hug

thirteen, if you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
point it out.

fourteen, what do you think is the most important thing in your life?
my devotion towards HIM

fifteen, are you a shopaholic or not?
ask Addin!

sixteen, electronic device or gadget you own that you like most?
iPhone....

seventeen, what is your favourite fragrance?
Obsession - CK

eighteen, what gadget do you wish to have right now?
duh....

nineteen, if given a chance, do you want to see your future?
nope

twenty, are you a virgin?
hmmm......

Three Cups of Tea

Here (in Pakistan and Afghanistan) we drink three cups of tea to do business; the first you are a stranger, the second you become a friend, and the third, you join our family, and for our family we are prepared to do anything – even die”
-Haji Ali, Korphe Village Chief, Karakoram Mountains, Pakistan.

I closed the book putting it back into in my backpack under the front seat, where I found the old lady’s sandal taken off, and she was sitting on the seat next to me crossed leg, sleeping. She reminded me of my mom. In less than 10 hours I would be meeting my mom after more than a year since I left Malaysia. But the lady’s figure, countenance, shalwar and shawl, had more to tell and gave me perfect description of Pakistan women told by Greg Mortensen and David Oliver Relin in their collaboration producing extraordinary book, Three Cups of tea.

Mortensen's mission is a relentlessly positive one, especially in an effort to trounce impoverishment out of Pakistan and Afghanistan, after failed to conquer K2. As climbers, we both know about the hardship of climbing, but after reading this book, I realized that the summit he’s trying to achieve to promote humanity is much more difficult than any summits. It is by building one school at a time in Pakistan and Afghanistan. As a Muslim I am personally feel connected to most of anecdotes Mortensen incorporated in this book. He talks about Shia and Sunni, marriage in Islam, solah, etc. And all of his stories are told in the most captivating and suspenseful, heartwarming, storytelling book, Three Cups of Tea, which definitely won my heart.

A huge thanks to Taufiq (Ketuat) and Paan for introducing this amazing book to me. And more credit to Paan for lending it to me to bring it back home. By the time I’m writing this entry, I have 3 more chapters to go. This is the first time, me, reading the book without any urgency to end it to know the end. I do not want it to end. The humanitarian mission of changing the world to a better place to live. To live without any qualms of what does the future holds, especially, when I am now sitting in Starbucks having my favorite USD$3.80 caramel macchiato, and know that every one dollar I spend could pay for a day lesson for a teacher in Pakistan and Afghanistan.

The flight was about to land in Hong Kong. I was just finished reading the part where Mortensen tells about Korphe’s first school inauguration, which deeply moved me into tears. Putting back the book in my backpack and trying to reach my passport and boarding pass for the next flight, I saw the lady sitting next to me dropped her passport on the floor. I bent, picked it up and figured out that it was Pakistan Passport.

It used to be...

I was laying my back on my dad car's trunk, which was parked outside of my house because my uncle used the garage for his car, looking at stars dotting the sky and wondering what my friends were doing at that time. New friends. It was new semester. Second semester of my life in INTEC.

His name appeared on my cellphone and it kinda surprised me.
"Ha, pehal?" I was wondering if something bad happened to him.
"Tak de pape. Aku tengah tunggu train dekat sentral nih. Saje je call ko."
We had quite a long talk. It was awkward for me but,
That WAS the moment, I knew that I could have opportunities of spending good time with him.

But, I took it for granted.

Threat

It's the same feeling that I had years ago when I was about to be on flight. The feeling that I didn't wanna leave Malaysia (spoiling my appetite, refusing to eat all-time-craved food, soto at KLIA), and wanna come here. Now, it's on the other way around.

In theater restroom, while shooting "the target" inside the urinal, after seeing awesome-lishly crafted Ironman, Justin and I were talking about my itineraries going back to Malaysia.
He goes, "Wait, you're coming back. Aren't you?"
Pulling my zip up and walking towards the water tap, I said "Should I?"
Zipping while pacing, he came to the water tap next to mine, washed his hands and looked at the mirror, "You'd better come back. Otherwise, I will go to Malaysia and bring you ass back here".

Does the "threat" sound "consternating" that "collaborates" with the feeling I have now?

I'm your stranger. Jump!

In one of her entries, Meena is talking about people's believability of Meredith Grey, character in Grey's anatomy. It makes me want to differentiate between charisma, directors' needs, a character an actor SHOULD portray, or something emerges from an actor's heart.

Now, I can partially differentiate it when, today, I saw Larry (Clive Owen) uttered this line:

"Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they're depressed. If they were happy they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live. Which can be depressing. "

Do see the film first, then you should understand.

Gone

It was one of those days that I woke up opening eyes gazing for half an hour at the paddled-woods bolstering Paan's weight on top of the mattress, touching belly and felt like the fat needed to get rid off by the evening, moving limbs all over the bed to colder parts, reaching cellphone and found out the person texted me last night after I fell asleep.

But, today is different. They're gone. Yes, they're gone since yesterday, after years we've been together, I presumed. Subuh's azan from my computer pierced into my ears through How Jian's wireless headphone, the coolest ever gadget I've ever used, considering the fact I'm not really electronic gadget maniac, which I didn't realize that I've been using to listen to Atonement's OST repeatedly last night. I grabbed Raisin Bran box from the top shelve. Their cereals, Apple Express and Corn Flakes sitting next to mine. Standing next to the counter and eating my cereal, I stared at the couch without him on it. It's now a different person. It gave me a different kind of breakfast. I opened up the shelve back and shook their cereals and figured out there were not much of them anymore. Yes, they're good planner. The night before my 7-day backpacking trip to Georgia, I bought half a gallon milk not realizing that I was not able to finish them before the trip and neither did they. Yes, I am not a good planner.

Although it's mid-May, the temperature still made me turning shower's hot water on. The conversation we had during our first winter popped in my mind when we talked about how we were gonna make sure our skins dry over the winter. He said don't turn on the water too hot, even though it's pleasing, always make it just warm. Hot water could make skins dry. I buy it. I believe in him all the time. Never doubt his arguments. Not even once.

It was not just the warm water from the shower running on my body. It was also tears. Yes, I was weeping unsoundly. I've crossed the line and walked very far away from them. Just after that I realized. After they're gone. This is not the first time that I strayed away from the path. This is the first time that I've gone too far until they left me. Now, they're gone.

One Love Undivided

Malaysian Artistes for Unity - Here In My Home.
Directed by Yasmin Ahmad & Ho Yuhang

Untitled

Yesterday, I chatted with Hisyam, after almost a year not talking with him. It has come to my realization on how far I've gone away from the actual path in my life. Sometimes, I am aware of all the risks and returns for every decision I make. It's not the 'life market' that tears off most of my investment, but my attitude towards my investment is directed to the farthest point away from fundamental or technical analysis of investment.

I found this 'tips' in my fellow's blog, which I found perfectly suited my process of reconciliation:

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate antidepressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'
5. Live with the 3 E's — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice meditation, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, OR issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the nagative blues away.
18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
26. Forgive everyone for everything.
27. What other people think of you is none of your business.
28. Remember God heals everything.
29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
33. The best is yet to come.
34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
35. Do the right thing!
36. Call your family often.
37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for_______. Today I accomplished ____.
38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
40. Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change

Dee De Gedee Dang

This could be considered as a late post. It has been almost a week since I got back from the Red and I'm missing it sooooooooooooo much! My one week trip there was AMAZING. Now, I've mastered all the stuff essentials in rock climbing especially, sport climbing, and my climbing technique has improved a lot from 6 days of climbing. Except that I'm still afraid of height! For me, the rate of a route will increase if the height is taller than 5o feet. I know! That's lame! I can't help it.

Bling Bling Quickdraws!

I'm back to the Red!!

Just a short post.
I'm leaving to The Red River Gorge KY for 5 days climbing trip. I will be back next Thursday before Zes and Azreen's commencement.
Sorry Azreen and Zes, I can't attend the graduation dinner tonite! I'm leaving in less than 1 hr. It has been a very hectic semester that made me missed 3 or 4 climbing trip to the Red. And I dont wanna miss this one.
This is Joerg on 5.9 (his warm up route) at the Red couple months ago. He and another German dude, Olliver, are leaving Purdue for good this semester. Both of them taught me different techniques of climbing. I'm gonna miss them a lot!

See you guys in 5 days!

Huh! it's "Once"!!!

OMG! I am so proud with all the selection of films I chose in recent years to watch. Bunch of thanks to Rottentomatoes for giving me perfect guidance in choosing what are the best and what are not. Yesterday before going to Slayter Hill for Jazz on the Hill, I had the opportunity to see "Once", which one of the movies I've downloaded months ago, but still haven't had time to watch.

Here's the official website for the film.

Again, like "Into The Wild", I fall in love with Once's soundtrack, "Falling Slowly", prior to watching the film. Couple months later, when I heard "Guaranteed" was not nominated for Best Original Song, I was surprised learning that this was the only time when a song won in Golden Globe was not nominated in Academy and "Falling Slowly" was nominated and won the award that night. Right after that, I straight away consulted "Rottentomatoes" about "Once" and figured out that it gained 97% Fresh Rottentomatoes on Tomatometer, which is very not rare for such indie film.

'Once' has topped my favorite films of all time. It is one of those films that doesn't need powerful compelling plots to received stand-up critics . The idea of keeping it small gives me perfect guidance to tell stories from the most creative, yet truthful, perspective. Neither Hansard nor Irglova is a well-trained actor, but both of them show the charisma essentials in the art of acting.

Some critics labeled 'Once' as a musical film. Stagey set, glittery costumes, impromptu warbling and absolute fakeness, are the stuff to expect when you want to see musical films, like 'Dreamgirls', 'Chicago', 'Moulin Rouge', 'Enchanted' etc. But, 'Once' gives you a new perspective of making a musical films along with less budget.

When you see a musical film, have you ever felt that some songs come out in inappropriate parts? I have, and ALWAYS being annoyed by that. However, songs in 'Once' are rendered beautifully at the most relevant part in the film that you can think of.

Here's the tracklist for the film:

1. Falling Slowly
2. If You Want Me
3. Broken Hearted Hoover Fixer Sucker Guy
4. When Your Minds Made Up
5. Lies
6. Gold
7. The Hill
8. Fallen Form The Sky
9. Leave
10. Trying to Pull Myself Away
11. All the Way Down
12. Once
13. Say It to Me Now

'Say it to me now' is my favorite!

'Once' is a wistful modern romance that incorporates organic and beautiful music together with honest performance by the actors.

Another Tagged post..

8 things I am passionate about:

1. My love to God.
2. Outdoor (esp CLIMBING)
   
3. Purdue Outing Club & Hiking and Camping Club
   
4. Poetry.
5. Being sentimental. (really really need to be emphasized! LOL)
   
6. Gorgeous friends around me
   
7. Damien Rice.
8. .

8 things I say too often:

1. well...
2. sweet!
3. *speechless, thinking of the word to say, while snapping my fingers*
   
4. oh yeah!
5. that is so....
   
6. douche
   
7. that's because the initial format of the file was .ppt but your instructor changed to .pdf, so there's an error when you print them out. I can refund it back if you want.
   
8. do you love it? do you love it love it?
   

8 books I’ve read recently:

1. Fences (play)
   
2. Marat/Sade (play)
   
3. Into the wild
   
4. The World is flat
   
5. The Red River Gorge: A Rock Climbing Guide Book. 2007 2nd E. Ellington
6. ...
   
7. ..
8. .

8 things to do before I die:

1. Explore "myself" as deep as I could
2. Saudi Arabia, India, China, Turkey and Alaska.
   
3. Let the people I love know how much I love them.
   
4. Climbing 5.13 routes
   
5. Playing Hinata Rhapsody #1 Opus 38 for the last time
6. direct a play
   
7. Come back to US and have my last Summer and Fall.
8. getting my own motor scooter!
   

8 songs I could listen to over and over again:

1. Hinata Rhapsody #1 Opus 38
   
2. The Blowers Daughter - Damien Rice
   
3. Amie - Damien Rice
   
4. Farewell - Dario Marianelli
   
5. Wings - Gustavo Santaolalla
   
6. Guaranteed - Eddie Veddie
   
7. We belong together - Mariah Carey
   
8. The Crane wife - the decemberists
   

8 things I learned last year:

1. Climbing is wonderful
   
2. There are so much things I still need to learn. 20 yrs old? Not enough experience.
   
3. What goes around comes back around!
   
4. EVERYBODY is special
   
5. I am too sentimental
   
6. I didn't know that I am a health freak until Laurie and Mark pointed it out!
   
7. How to differentiate kinds of hot drinks like latte, cappuccino, macchiato, espresso, mocha, americano, coffee etc!
   
8. living here, in United States, is not easy. No limit of knowledge and experiences, but they all need trade offs!
   

8 people to tag:

1. Azwan a.k.a. Kocek (oit! update blog!)
   
2. Faiz a.k.a. dwellsinnothingness???
   
3. Farah (Freshman cute dongengnya)
   
4. Timz a.k.a. gamat
   
5. Sureen a.k.a. katod
   
6. ...
   
7. ..
8. .

Spring Break: Appalachian Trail - North Georgia (Pt. 2)

We finally got to Unicoi Gap, paved GA Hwy 75, and we camped next to the parking lot a lil bit into the wood. Practically, we're not allowed to camp anywhere 100 yd near to road or trail, but, since, it was 11 at night, we had no choice. It was a freezing night, which I almost got frostbite! Yes! Frostbite! I had all frostbite's symptoms, but, luckily, Laurie was quick helping me warming up my hands and feet.

The coldness of that shitty night was paid off the next morning when there was a lady approaching our tents, who we thought was a ranger to arrest us for illegal camping, offering us free breakfast they've prepared in that morning. We had hot coffee and warm burritos, which were totally delicious!! On our way to get ourselves shuttled by a local to Springer Mt, Laurie said, according to a book she's reading about AT, those ladies are the backpackers called "Appalachian Angels" among backpackers. They do sectional hiking and give breakfast, or lunch to AT backpackers.
Above is the place where we met locals who shuttled us to Springer Mt, the starting of the whole Appalachian Trail.
On top of Springer Mt. Ready to start!! (Endo said something about Zach's Gandalf Stick)

*I would rather not to write anything about the whole 6 days of hiking. It's not that I'm lazy to type and don't want to share it. It's something that is better to keep it as a memory and stays in my mind. And I always believe that not everything can be expressed in words. Thus, I'm posting couple of pictures taken over the 6-day of hiking*

Spring Break: Appalachian Trail - North Georgia (Pt. 1)

"I started the trip not knowing anyone, but by the end we were all really close."
-Dan Heacock (Friend of mine)

This is my first backpacking trip in United States after 2+ years of not doing it. Although I have been to the Red, KY couple of times which tent needed to be pitched, this trip is considered as the REAL backpacking and camping trip. It was going to be 6 days of backpacking on 54.2 miles (approx 80+ km) trailS, 1 day of touring and 1 day of partying!! There are 9 of us in this trip:

Laurie Duncan (Backpacking Consultant)
Mark Endo (5.11+ Climber)
Dan Heacock (inactive member)
Rebbecca Lindberg (Aussie backpacker)
Erin Goheen (acquaintance of Mark)
Brian Hunter (inactive member)
Ryan Trevithick (Backpacker + Caver)
Zach Seaton (best friend of Ryan)
Myself

As quoted from Dan (Tripod), we started this trip by not knowing anyone except that I know a lil bit about Laurie and Mark before the trip. We gathered behind COREC around 9am in freaking freezing f**king cold Indiana's usual unusual weather and it was claimed by Laurie that I had the biggest backpack, but biggest doesn't mean heaviest. (Somebody's backpack was heavier than mine. I'll prove it later!). We left West Lala-land approximately 1030am in 1 truck with 5 peeps (Dan, Ryan, Zach, Beck and Brian - hula hoop team) and 1 car with 4 peeps(Me, Mark, Laurie and Erin - dee de gedee team).

It was 9+ hrs driving to Helen, GA, which passed trough Kentucky, Tennessee and North Carolina. Highlights for the driving trip:

• I had my 1st waffle at Waffle House, which according to Laurie, is the best waffle in South and it is everywhere in South.
• We had an accident somewhere passed Louisville. Laurie was driving the car after Mark said he needed a nap. When, we were talking about one of my metal sickness, there was a trailer passed by, and muddled up the snow straight to our car's front window. Snow covered the whole window and Laurie panicked and started cursing. She lost her control because the wiper couldn't get rid the snow as quick as it should to make it clear for Laurie to see the road. The car slid all the way to the left of the road and hit the divider hard! We got out of the car, tried to push the car, but it didn't work. Because all the tires were covered by snow and we didn't have good grips. About 5 mins later, there's a couple of moms stopped and gave us a shovel to clear up the snow a bit. Finally, we got out from the snow. After like 3 miles of silence, in the car, Laurie goes "I think they are lesbians". We were laughing out loud!
• The last night before our trip on the trail, we had our dinner at Ribs in South Carolina. I had the most amazing grilled salmon ever with country gravy and baked potatoes. Surprisingly, that full plate of salmon only costs me 5 bucks. We had a wonderful feast before, nights of Asian food in the woods. Here's our 1st group pic in front of the restaurant.

Spring Break - Sneak peek

"Georgia
the whole day through.
Just an old sweet song

keeps Georgia on my mind.
Talkin' 'bout Georgia
I'm in Georgia.

A song of you
comes as sweet and clear
as moon light through the pines.

Other arms reach out to me.
Other eyes smile tenderly.
Still in peaceful dreams I see
the road leads back to you. "

So, basically, this is my plan for this long-waited-to-come Spring Break. Purdue Outing Club, backpacking division, will be having a trip to Appalachian Trail, North of Georgia. I told Laurie, Backpaking Consultant,not to tell any climbers about my participation in this trip. Randy has been asking me to join Climbers to have a blast at the Red Rock, Utah. And Laurie goes, "They will know about it eventually." and I go, "Nope, until we're back from the trip!" It's gonna be 6-day trip and there won't be too many participants, which sounds good, for those who know how better it is to have few people to do hiking and backpacking in such period.



Georgia!!