Reconciliation

It has been almost 2 yrs since I got to this Opportunity Land. It comes to my consciousness that by this time, this moment or this seconds, I should have known where I'm sailing to. It says on the card given by Ady before I left Malaysia that People with goals succeed because they know where they are going, firmly stick to my creatively adorn board (love it!). I'm still here wavering myself on the hastily baseless decision I've made. But, should I regret it?

I don't know any of my six-degree-separations fellow whose life has not influenced by what he has done in the past. We, personally, me, apply all the experiences heavily from the angst and joy in our past to steadily or jerkily pace on the paths we're now on. I thought I have strip-mined huge parts of my wicked childhood and teenage life in Changlun throughout Shah Alam to fuel my collisions of cultures and human beings that fill up my chest to being able to breathe easily on my path.

But now, I'm exhausted. Am I trying too hard for this? Or I haven't tried it as hard as I could? I've been twisting and turning in the space that too small. That directs my limbs to grab ALL kind of joys which could flatter up myself.

If you can't fix it, Jack, you gotta stand it -Ennis Del Mar

The List

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head
Enough Is Enough (No More Tears)
Make Me Lose Control
Deny, Deny, Deny
Bring The Pain
Into You Like A Train
Something to Talk About
Let It Be
Thanks for the Memories
Much Too Much
Owner of a Lonely Heart
Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
Straight to the Heart
Begin the Begin
Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
Break on Through
It's the End of the World (Part I)
(As We Know It) (Part II)
Yesterday
What Have I Done To Deserve This?
Band Aid Covers the Bullet Hole
Superstition
Under Pressure
The Name of the Game
Blues for Sister Someone
Damage Case
17 Seconds
Deterioration of the Fight or Flight Response
Losing My Religion

THTR133

Janelle as Dorie - Hanif as John

(He holds out his hand to shake hers and she does, she briefly looks down and regrabs the bar)

DORIE: Oh.

JOHN: Just look up. Look up. (She Does) Better?

DORIE: Yes. (pause) I'm sorry about smoking.

JOHN: No. I was planning on giving it up...sometime...sooner or later. Maybe. (Longingly) Nasty habit

DORIE: But I bet your wife will be happy.

JOHN: I'm not married.

DORIE: (Surprised) No?

JOHN: You?

DORIE: (embarrassed) Me?! No! No...But...you?...I assumed...

JOHN: No, divorced. Traveling salesman...only she couldn't take the traveling so she moved
on.

DORIE: I'm sorry.

JOHN: (covering) Yeah, well, you get used to being alone. You get over it. You adjust.

DORIE: Isn't that the truth? Why, I don't even mind eating by myself anymore. Not as long as I have something to read. Newspaper, magazine, those little bitty sugar packets they set at the table, the ones with the....

(Suddenly, he leans over and kisses her on the cheek.)

DORIE: What did you do that for?

JOHN: I don't know...I thought if I kissed you, you'd stop talking for a minute.

DORIE: Oh.

(She looks at him. He leans over and kisses her on the lips.)

DORIE: I wasn't talking.

JOHN: No. My lips, I had to do somethingwith my lips.

DORIE: So, you didn't mean anything personal by it. It was just, sort of, reflex reaction.

JOHN: No. It wasn't totally reflex. I enjoyed it.

DORIE: You did? Oh..ah..(nervous/flustered/ she starts talking again) Did I tell you I have an aunt who lives in Dublin, GA., semi-related to Kim Basinger, You remember the movie The Natural...

(He leans over and kisses her again, on the lips)

DORIE: Lips itching for another cigarette?

JOHN: No. Partially.

DORIE: But not wholly?

JOHN: I wanted to see if I enjoyed it as much the second time as I did the first.

DORIE: Did you?

(Their lips almost touching when...suddenly they both jerk back in their seats.)

DORIE: What was that?!

JOHN: Looks like we're moving.

(Dorie looks down, grabs bar and shuts her eyes)

JOHN: Won't be long now. (looking)

DORIE: You don't think we'll go around again?

JOHN: No.

(They jerk in their seats)

JOHN: This is us.

(They both raise their arms up and let fo of the "bar")

DORIE: Yes.

(She then suddenly embarrased jumps out, extends her hand in the formal good-bye)

DORIE: It...it..has been a pleasure.

(He takes her hand)

DORIE: (newly flustered) Yes, Well...you better get going...and have that cigarette, I wouldn't want you to get in any trouble kissing every girl in the park just so you can make it through the day without smoking...I better get going.

(Shel lets go of his hand and starts to walk away, He hollers out to her)

JOHN: Dorie, you coming back next year?

DORIE: It is a tradition.

(She exits. He looks after her, smiles but doesn't follow. He takes out a cigarette, puts in his mouth, yhinks better of it, puts the cigarette back in his pocket and exits.)

This is my second open scripted scene. Being an actor in this scene is hard, but James Dean once said "Being a good actor isn't easy. Being a man is even harder. I want to be both before I'm done."

I remember

Sejiwa

Pada irama ku berpesan
Lagu ini ditujukan
Padanya yang Tersayang

Kasihku kau pernah dipersia
Lalu kubawa cintaku
Sebagai penawarnya
Biar lukamu masih terasa

Sesaat engkau tidak ku temu
Bulan seakan pilu
Tiada dapat beradu

Begitu jika engkau membisu
Badai jauh dilautan
Tiada ketepian
Sebegitu cintaku padamu

Usahlah cinta dibawa bersama
Ditenggelami mentari di timur
Gelap gelita tiada bercahaya
Ku tiada berdaya

Inginku selalu di sampingmu
Tiap waktu siang melambai malam
Bagaikan senja denyutan cinta kita
Penyambung hadirnya

Akan ku bina istana bahagia
Menjadi lambang kasih berpanjangan
Hentikan airmata pedih kenangan
Yang mencakar perasaan
Mekarlah bunga cinta
Seharum wangi kemboja
Mekarlah bunga cinta
Di taman kita sejiwa

Huh! That's the most sentimental 80's ballad lyrics I've ever read (jiwang seyh!!!). Well, that's not the point of my posting this time.
Early this morning, I gave up trying to sleep after having a bad cough for 3 hours non-stop. I got off of my bed, grabbed my new-bought coffee-maker kettle and poured down the hazelnut coffee. That's exactly when the melody of the song above came across my mind. And it never get out of my mind until now. Until, I tried hard to open up everything, and found the lyrics in the Net.

All I could remember that time was the melody. The melody I heard almost everyday 10 years ago from a man and I wish it would never come back again. However, the melancholy of my feelings toward to the song failed to shun other memories associated from flowing into my head.

I do remember the way he sits on the chair,
his dysphoric emotions carried with the song,
his well-defined body moved along,
the never-stared-at-all notes.

I do remember the way his fingers dancing on the piano's keyboard,
his feet lilting on the pedals,
and his voice hitting the notes.

I don't remember how his face looks like,
I don't remember his name,
I don't remember where it was,
I don't remember where I was, looking at him singing and playing the song,
I don't remember why I was there.

I do remember him as he introduced me to the world of love, humanity.

"The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along." – Jelaluddin Rumi

Thank you to Jelaluddin Rumi for conveying his legacy of the beauty in humanity that ties together my memories with the person above and my trepidation of unveiling my emotions towards arts.

Kena Tag lagi...."Five Things"

I've been tag by Azwan for "Five Things..."

lima benda dalam bag saya:

1)Couple of pens, which I took everytime I went to PEFCU bank for free and Bic pencils.
2)Missouri, New York, Indiana and Rhode Island quaters.
3)The Purification of The Heart by Hamza Yusuf and The Namesake.
4)A clipper <-- dun remember when did I put it there..
5)Purdue Planner.

lima benda dalam dompet saya:

1)Bank, credit, Insurance, Identification, Starbucks, Purdue ID cards!
2)A sticker-picture of me, Addin, and Saini.
3)Some business cards.
4)couple of receipts which might be useful for a game like I played during 2005 HACC annual Dinner!
5)1 ringgit bill.

lima benda faveret dalam bilik saya:
1) my shirts in my closet.
2) my creatively adorned board.
3) my double-decker bed.
4) a huge Malaysia's flag hung on the wall.
5) a 1.5 meter mr Froggy!

lima perkara yang saya nak lakukan:
1) Producing and directing a film.
2) Traveling to India.
3) Playing Hinata Rhapsody #1. Opus 38 to the one I love.
4) Meeting in personal with Damien Rice.
5) Writing a poem to the one I love.

lima perkara yang sedang dilakukan:

1) Writing this post.
2) Thinking of when I should study for theater's quiz tommorow.
3) Listening to 'Lelaki Ini' by Anuar Zain.
4) Wondering if I should make a cup of 3 in 1 nescafe given by Nabilah or not.
5) Browsing for materials for the next posts!

Eros

A Farewell


Flow down, cold rivulet, to the sea,

Thy tribute wave deliver:

No more by thee my steps shall be,

For ever and for ever.


Flow, softly flow, by lawn and lea,

A rivulet then a river:

No where by thee my steps shall be,

For ever and for ever.


But here will sigh thine alder tree,

And here thine aspen shiver;

And here by thee will hum the bee,

For ever and for ever.


A thousand suns will stream on thee,

A thousand moons will quiver;

But not by thee my steps shall be,

For ever and for ever.

by Alfred Lord Tennyson

I've been tagged by Gamat!

8 random things bout me:

a) I'm sentimental which sometimes reach to the point of blissing out!
b) Keep lots of big secrets!
3) Pay attention to inconsequential details, but they are unique observations though!
4) Love to play with words!
e) From the outside may look blithesomeness, but always carrying huge responsibilities. Just don't want to bother anybody.
6) Loud in every sense!
g) I have 2 dads, 3moms, and 15 siblings!! Proud of it!
h) I wanna be a film director!!!!