A missive

Hanif,

I try not to show it, but going back to base is one of the scariest responsibilities that I have put it off for so long. To be honest, I wasn't planning to ever return to base. I had a set, comfortable life of nothing, and running became my dream. I found it easy to hide from the government, and I have been fortunate enough to have great people who are happy to shelter me in my time of need. Yes! It was the simple, comfortable life of escape.

...then I met you.

I know what I now have to do. I am not any less scared, nor am I any less tempted to run, but you are worth so much more than what I now lack. You are the reason that I am going back to base; I love you, I cherish you, and I desire to remain with you as long as you'll have me.

I am scared, but I will andure fear for you!

The next weeks to follow will be undoubtly rough. I am only going to be as strong as you support me. Please, don't give up. I will return.

Seriously?

Read more here

After all she has done to Malaysia film industry, this is what she get? A huge defamation a day after her death? It's not about telling the truth, it's about dignity of her family, her companions, her "anak-anak". I've been questioning the morality and ethics of most of Malaysian reporters and newspapers. Instead of supporting the industry towards a much more matured field competing with other nations, they dig a whole of humaliation of a true Malaysian artist.

This is not how I, at least, remember my "mother", who has served country well. If you are also disgusted by Kosmo! please support this protest.

Some of us agree that boycotting them won't work. Contact them. Spam them with calls - emails, espicially emails!

Send your complaints on that insentive piece of innuendo laden news piece that cowardly didn't have a byline to berita(at)kosmo.com.my.

Call then at 603-92214001 (ext 508 & 506) demand to speak to the editor.

Fax them your complaints to 603 92218590

I'm spreading the words so they won't forget.

Ask for apology - not for us, but for the memory of Yasmin Ahmad, our storyteller and filmmaker and her family who are hurting the most.

Thank you.

And she's gone..

She taught me how to open barriers I built against love.

She showed me my roots of being a Malaysian, which then I translate through my daily interactions with other human beings, regardless the differences.

She introduced me to the great oeuvres of Pablo Neruda, who now becomes my favorite poet.

She told me to find the beauty behind Mira Nair's collections, which then lead me to "meet" Jhumpa lahiri.

She adviced me to seek the truth behind stunning act and enticing lines, which then lead me to have another degree, which is Theatre.

She wanted me to seek refuge in the tranquility of Qurans sentences, which then I portrayed in my art works through humanity.

And there she goes, my greatest hero, Yasmin Ahmad, returning back to the Almighty.

I'm grateful to God for letting me meeting this beautiful creature of His for a very short time. It has always been my dream to meet her in personal after years of conversation through e-mails and instant messages. A huge part of myself right now has been built according to her guidance, that I will treasure in my whole life in becoming an artist. After all, she was a friend, a teacher, and a mother to me. And truth to be told I am not coping with her death well.

Rest in peace Mak.

Eros II

I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

- Love Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda

Man.. I'm really drunk in this love.

You're not alone

One of my memorable trip to The Red River Gorge, KY was with Jenny and Endo. It was 5-hour driving, filled up with spontaneous jokes, twitzzlers, coffee, stops at "weird" fancy restaurants and Michael Jackson songs. I will remember that trip as I will remember Michael Jackson as a true entertainer. And I feel like too often we wait until someone passes to truly celebrate his/her impacts. Rest in peace.

Cherry Blossoms - Hanami

This film definitely reminds me of the only Yasujiro Ozu's work I have seen, Tokyo Story, and of course a little bit of Rabun. It's a kind of film that moves 'slowly' so that I, personally, would pay attention to every little details in the film that blended mostly in delicate metaphors - flies, ducks, cherry blossoms, apart from a very compelling storytelling. And I believe that Doris Dorrie has had great thoughts on every single materials she presented in this piece.

It hurts me so much watching this piece that it gives me more reasons to love my parents. When I realized mak's devotion to abah, I thought it was merely an obligated responsibility. My childhood memories were full of hatred towards abah after what he had done to mak and it was not just me, but also my siblings. And not until couple months before I came to the States that I fully understood my confusion of mak's devotion (Yeah, another childhood pshychological trauma. Nothing much to complain about). Trudi and Rudi's love shows me exactly what I need to see as a son and a future partner to a soul.

I miss you, mak, abah.

Okuribito - Death is not the end of humanity

It could be told from most of my entries that I'm amateurishly sentimental (speaking about professional, Yasmin Ahmad owned it). Okuribito (Departures) definitely deepened my understanding of this human's emotion, in coping with life. It does not really have mind-twisted-tricky plots because its events unravel predictably, but the film is profoundly affecting, well-written moving story, rich characters and superlative acting - Kudos to Yojiro Takita.


The fact that it has expected plots does not take away all the credits from other attributes of the movie. Kundo Kayama's screenplay has made the film very well-paced. I'm amazed by his way of putting real-life witty gist in every encoffing ceremonies.

In a scene, in the office, when it's snowing over Christmas outside, Sasaki, Yuriko and Daigo are enjoying fried chicken with wines. And Daigo grabs his old cello to play a song requested by Yuriko.

Daigo - Well what should I play?
Sasaki - Let's see.. something Christmasy
Daigo - Uh..will different religions bother you?
Sasaki - Don't worry. Buddism, Christian, Islam, Hindu. We handle all religions here.
Daigo - Then, for the Holy Night.

And there it goes the best version of Holy Night I've ever heard. This is another part that made me drown into the film, the music composed by Joe Hisaishi. Soundtracks have been my attentions in watching movies since Casablanca and I believe Hisaishi has composed and placed ALL the soundtracks well in the film. It was very moving piece for me. (And guess what..I just bought its original soundtracks!)

Regarding the acting, personally, I found it is hard to pull off Daigo Kobayashi character portrayed by Masahiro Motoki as I've been told by my acting mentor to put myself in actors shoes when I watch acting performances. Interconnected emotionally, Daigo and I have a common painful history except that he is healed, sadly with a heart-wrenching lost. Overall, I found that the actors never overplay, never spell out what can be said in a glance or a shrug, communicate great passion very quietly, as I wish Daigo's extremely cheerful wife, Mika (Ryoko Hirosue) was real.

As one of the runners for Best Foreign Language Film along with Waltz With Bashir, Der Baader-Meinhof Komplex and The Class, Departures definitely surprized lot of critics. From my perspective after watching all the films running for the title, I think Departures deserved the Oscar.

Death may be the termination of a life, but it's not the end of humanity.