Gone

It was one of those days that I woke up opening eyes gazing for half an hour at the paddled-woods bolstering Paan's weight on top of the mattress, touching belly and felt like the fat needed to get rid off by the evening, moving limbs all over the bed to colder parts, reaching cellphone and found out the person texted me last night after I fell asleep.

But, today is different. They're gone. Yes, they're gone since yesterday, after years we've been together, I presumed. Subuh's azan from my computer pierced into my ears through How Jian's wireless headphone, the coolest ever gadget I've ever used, considering the fact I'm not really electronic gadget maniac, which I didn't realize that I've been using to listen to Atonement's OST repeatedly last night. I grabbed Raisin Bran box from the top shelve. Their cereals, Apple Express and Corn Flakes sitting next to mine. Standing next to the counter and eating my cereal, I stared at the couch without him on it. It's now a different person. It gave me a different kind of breakfast. I opened up the shelve back and shook their cereals and figured out there were not much of them anymore. Yes, they're good planner. The night before my 7-day backpacking trip to Georgia, I bought half a gallon milk not realizing that I was not able to finish them before the trip and neither did they. Yes, I am not a good planner.

Although it's mid-May, the temperature still made me turning shower's hot water on. The conversation we had during our first winter popped in my mind when we talked about how we were gonna make sure our skins dry over the winter. He said don't turn on the water too hot, even though it's pleasing, always make it just warm. Hot water could make skins dry. I buy it. I believe in him all the time. Never doubt his arguments. Not even once.

It was not just the warm water from the shower running on my body. It was also tears. Yes, I was weeping unsoundly. I've crossed the line and walked very far away from them. Just after that I realized. After they're gone. This is not the first time that I strayed away from the path. This is the first time that I've gone too far until they left me. Now, they're gone.