Threat

It's the same feeling that I had years ago when I was about to be on flight. The feeling that I didn't wanna leave Malaysia (spoiling my appetite, refusing to eat all-time-craved food, soto at KLIA), and wanna come here. Now, it's on the other way around.

In theater restroom, while shooting "the target" inside the urinal, after seeing awesome-lishly crafted Ironman, Justin and I were talking about my itineraries going back to Malaysia.
He goes, "Wait, you're coming back. Aren't you?"
Pulling my zip up and walking towards the water tap, I said "Should I?"
Zipping while pacing, he came to the water tap next to mine, washed his hands and looked at the mirror, "You'd better come back. Otherwise, I will go to Malaysia and bring you ass back here".

Does the "threat" sound "consternating" that "collaborates" with the feeling I have now?

I'm your stranger. Jump!

In one of her entries, Meena is talking about people's believability of Meredith Grey, character in Grey's anatomy. It makes me want to differentiate between charisma, directors' needs, a character an actor SHOULD portray, or something emerges from an actor's heart.

Now, I can partially differentiate it when, today, I saw Larry (Clive Owen) uttered this line:

"Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they're depressed. If they were happy they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live. Which can be depressing. "

Do see the film first, then you should understand.

Gone

It was one of those days that I woke up opening eyes gazing for half an hour at the paddled-woods bolstering Paan's weight on top of the mattress, touching belly and felt like the fat needed to get rid off by the evening, moving limbs all over the bed to colder parts, reaching cellphone and found out the person texted me last night after I fell asleep.

But, today is different. They're gone. Yes, they're gone since yesterday, after years we've been together, I presumed. Subuh's azan from my computer pierced into my ears through How Jian's wireless headphone, the coolest ever gadget I've ever used, considering the fact I'm not really electronic gadget maniac, which I didn't realize that I've been using to listen to Atonement's OST repeatedly last night. I grabbed Raisin Bran box from the top shelve. Their cereals, Apple Express and Corn Flakes sitting next to mine. Standing next to the counter and eating my cereal, I stared at the couch without him on it. It's now a different person. It gave me a different kind of breakfast. I opened up the shelve back and shook their cereals and figured out there were not much of them anymore. Yes, they're good planner. The night before my 7-day backpacking trip to Georgia, I bought half a gallon milk not realizing that I was not able to finish them before the trip and neither did they. Yes, I am not a good planner.

Although it's mid-May, the temperature still made me turning shower's hot water on. The conversation we had during our first winter popped in my mind when we talked about how we were gonna make sure our skins dry over the winter. He said don't turn on the water too hot, even though it's pleasing, always make it just warm. Hot water could make skins dry. I buy it. I believe in him all the time. Never doubt his arguments. Not even once.

It was not just the warm water from the shower running on my body. It was also tears. Yes, I was weeping unsoundly. I've crossed the line and walked very far away from them. Just after that I realized. After they're gone. This is not the first time that I strayed away from the path. This is the first time that I've gone too far until they left me. Now, they're gone.

One Love Undivided

Malaysian Artistes for Unity - Here In My Home.
Directed by Yasmin Ahmad & Ho Yuhang

Untitled

Yesterday, I chatted with Hisyam, after almost a year not talking with him. It has come to my realization on how far I've gone away from the actual path in my life. Sometimes, I am aware of all the risks and returns for every decision I make. It's not the 'life market' that tears off most of my investment, but my attitude towards my investment is directed to the farthest point away from fundamental or technical analysis of investment.

I found this 'tips' in my fellow's blog, which I found perfectly suited my process of reconciliation:

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate antidepressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'
5. Live with the 3 E's — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice meditation, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, OR issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the nagative blues away.
18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
26. Forgive everyone for everything.
27. What other people think of you is none of your business.
28. Remember God heals everything.
29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
33. The best is yet to come.
34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
35. Do the right thing!
36. Call your family often.
37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for_______. Today I accomplished ____.
38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
40. Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change

Dee De Gedee Dang

This could be considered as a late post. It has been almost a week since I got back from the Red and I'm missing it sooooooooooooo much! My one week trip there was AMAZING. Now, I've mastered all the stuff essentials in rock climbing especially, sport climbing, and my climbing technique has improved a lot from 6 days of climbing. Except that I'm still afraid of height! For me, the rate of a route will increase if the height is taller than 5o feet. I know! That's lame! I can't help it.

Bling Bling Quickdraws!

I'm back to the Red!!

Just a short post.
I'm leaving to The Red River Gorge KY for 5 days climbing trip. I will be back next Thursday before Zes and Azreen's commencement.
Sorry Azreen and Zes, I can't attend the graduation dinner tonite! I'm leaving in less than 1 hr. It has been a very hectic semester that made me missed 3 or 4 climbing trip to the Red. And I dont wanna miss this one.
This is Joerg on 5.9 (his warm up route) at the Red couple months ago. He and another German dude, Olliver, are leaving Purdue for good this semester. Both of them taught me different techniques of climbing. I'm gonna miss them a lot!

See you guys in 5 days!