the missives

Me and Actuarial Science

2010-08-23T16:36:00.000-07:00

Yes or no. In or out. Up or down. Live or die. Hero or coward. Fight or give in. The human life is made up of choices. Live or die. That's the important choice. And it's not always in our hands.

I know it for sure when I started diving into actuarial science world and going back and forth between statistics and theatre classes which has taught me about looking into a matter with different lenses. Small lens has taught me the importance of personal skills, i.e. the technicality of actuarial world. I have learned different Actuarial Models in evaluating options, statistical software, i.e. SAS, STATA and R, in data mining. Besides, I have been taking actuarial exams to test my skills, which I have failed all of them (P and FM twice, and MLC). The failure has brought me into a bigger lens. I was an overachiever. I had to win everything using all possible means, but when I failed should I choose to keep digging into the same rut? Then, I moved on. Learning from the failure, I pursued my degree in Actuarial Science when some of my colleagues decided to drop out of the game. I know I am passionate about this field. The bigger picture always brings me to a larger purpose of this field. The psyche of human beings I learned comprehensively in my theatre classes, I think would be useful in this position. I'm always looking forward of an exciting challenge.Today's financial world when looking from optimistic eyes is an exciting condition in testing existed models and coming out with new models.

Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - to be happy. Maybe it's this expectation though of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. I am a fresh graduate. I have no experience in Actuarial world. I failed my actuarial exams. But, one thing for sure is that I want to be happy and I am choosing this field because I am pretty sure this is the right job to make me happy.

Screenplay?

2010-08-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

These are two books I recently bought to condone my over-worked brain after doing tons of readings on Data Mining for my latest Proof of Concept for Telekom Malaysia Churn Model (I will write another post on the experience of working and presenting the case - a hell of experience).

First is Brideshead Revisited. I saw the film version 1st before buying the book. Evelyn Waugh's piece, which is listed by Time as one of the one hundred best English-language novels from 1923 to present, Brideshead Revisited was quite cleverly translated onto the silver screen by Jeremy Brock and Andrew Davies (yeah, after reading the book, I kinda understand why it needs to be done by two people). Knowing that it was translated from a book, I began to "see" the screenplay and imagined it being expressed on the book. And I did the same thing for The Last Station a German/Russian/British biopic about Count Leo Tolstoy by Jay Parini, of which a film stars Christopher Plummer as Tolstoy and Helen Mirren as Sophia Tolstaya.

From an amateur storyteller perspective, I concluded that it is quite hard to transform a written novel into a motion picture. I've read Atonement and Pride and Prejudice both the screenplays and the novels. They, the screenplays and the novels, are quite different in a many ways. I found that the hardest work is to keep the actors' and the scenes' emotions and feelings same as you read the novels, or perhaps taking them into another level, while keeping the plots moving smoothly.

Yes, at the end of the day, nobody gives a sh*t about the technicality behind the transformation. What counts the most in watching an artistic film is the feeling and the emotions being conveyed. But, for those people like me, perhaps, who takes literature to the heart, the process of transformation could be an interesting and crucial part.

These are lines conveyed by the talented English actor, Matthew Goode as Charles Ryder, in Brideshead Revisited (Din, you might want to watch the whole scene on him eloquently pointing out the difference between a picture and a painting, or rather a good picture and a good painting.)

"Because, a camera is a mechanical device which records a moment in time, but not what that moment means or the emotions that it evokes. Whereas, a painting, however imperfect it may be is an expression of....feeling. An expression of love. Not just a copy of something"

and The Last Station opens with Leo Tolstoy quote

"Everything I know, I know only because of you"

I've yet to read the screenplay of both films and see how it's was being translated from the original piece as I've been trying to find them! Can anybody help me with this?

On Milan Kundera's words

2010-07-13T09:06:00.000-07:00

young milan kundera

(Late posting)

It has been almost 4 years I've been here, picking out stars which I used to dream of. And it has come to an end of another chapter in my life, another one to embark on. There is NO regret at all in the decision I have made so far in my life. Jordan Kubat, my acting and dancing soulmate, once quoted Milan Kundera on life for me,

'...he realized that not knowing what he wanted was actually quite natural. We can never know what to want, because, living only one life, we can neither compare it with our previous lives nor perfect it in our lives to come. There is no means of testing which decision is better, because there is no basis of comparison. We live everything as it comes, without warning, like an actor going on cold.'

I may not have gone as far as a 23 year-old man should have gone, but the journey has given me a little insight of who I am which I consider much crucial than being called a matured 23 year-old.

I am a man who carries plenty of loves in his bag where ever he goes, a man who takes everything close to his heart and a man who cherishes every moment he has with beautiful humans around him. I am a man with full of emotions. Devoutly to be wished.

Glass

2010-04-27T21:46:00.000-07:00

There are so much things about him remind me of Yasmin Ahmad, in fact, most great artists I've ever seen/heard their works, Mozart, Bach, Andrew Wyeth, Picasso, Van Gough, Seraphine, etc. Music pieces composed by him have been accompanied me in my daily routine. I would play Metamorphosis II over and over again while doing chest work out. I would walk on campus lilting on complicated, refreshing, and really post modern, Einstein on The Beach.

For those who have Netflix. Do watch Glass: A Portrait of Philip in Twelve Parts. It's a life story of one of the greatest living composers. The documentary is hypnotic as the music Glass writes. It's told in twelve parts that represent different notes on Glass's own grand staff of music with two extra notes indicating highs and lows of his genius resting on ledger lines above and below. We are delving into his professional, personal, and spiritual life. Scott Hick (the director) cleverly picked up his lenses and focused them on Glass's grandeur works. Appearances of well-known or unknown figures ranging from Martin Scorsese to a Qi Gong teacher, simply give life to this documentary, which is exactly displaying Glass's life that could be really close to other human beings.

Here what he's got to say about his creative process:

Where does music come from? My experience is that music is like underground river. It's always there. And like the underground river you don't know where it comes from and you don't know where it's going to. The only difference is only you're listening to it or not. For me writing a music is listening to music. I don't think of it. I listen to it. In other words it's already there. It's not something that has to be imagined. It has to be written down. Drawing is about saying, dancing is about moving and music is about listening. I never was inclined to be involved in theoretical idea of music. That would have been about thinking. I didn't care about there is a music. I care about listen to music. I began by hearing very little, very little. I hear something and I train myself to follow the sound, follow the feelings of the sound.

sound familiar? read The Pick of Art Quotes

or About feelings?

So, go out there and start your creative process!

"Legit" - Nico Caldwell (A good friend of mine)

2010-03-16T08:32:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why we need to learn classical music if we're interested in learning music? And we need to dive into this world of "nonsense" in our urban or modern definition on how music should sound like? Of course, "Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart", will be in at least one of the power point slides from your instructor. You're not just required to listen to his compositions, like, Eine Kleine Natchtmusik, First Movemens of Symphonies 25 & 40, or Piano Sonata movement "Alla Turca", but you need to dig in his biography. Where he was born, who his father was, when did he start touching piano, what kind of early education he had, etc.

Early in a morning before heading out to have breakfast with Endo for his birthday, I watched "Amadeus", a Milos Forman directed movie , screenplay by Peter Shaffer, and fantastic cast led by F. Murray Abraham playing Antonio Salieri and Tom Hulce playing Wolfgang Mozart. It blew me away! Now, I could get a glimpse, may be, the reasoning behind those "nonsense" biography work. Or why people still use his works nowadays to speak elaborately about arts or even..........commercials??

You need to be personal in your art work. Mozart didn't grab all the music notes and put them down in music sheets. It's coming from deep within himself. Who was "himself"? That's why we study his history to understand who Mozart was in order to understand his music.

One of the best scenes in the movie for me -

The music swells. We see Salieri standing alone in the back of a box, unseen, in

semi-darkness. We also see that the theatre is only half full. Music fades down.

OLD SALIERI

(V.O.)

And I knew - only I understood - that the horrifying apparition

was Leopold (Wolfgang's father), raised from the dead. Wolfgang had actually

summoned up his own father to accuse his son before all the

world. It was terrifying and wonderful to watch.

Music swells up again. We watch the scene on stage as the Commendatore ad-

dresses Giovanni. Then back to Salieri in the box. Music down again.

It was a fantastic and thrilling piece! It brought me to the edge of my seat that I was really into the scene. The music he composed for this opera was dark and convoluted in a beautiful way expressing his feelings about the death of his father. There are more scenes in the movie explaining on how he was inspired to composed greatest classical music numbers.

Kudos to Shaffer and Forman for such a brilliant story. They tell the story from a perspective that no one could have thought and it is the best point of view to convey a story about one of the greatest artists in humankind history, which is rich with various aspects of humanity, like Sarieli says "I heard the music of true forgiveness filling the theater, conferring on all who sat there, perfect absolution. God was singing through this little man to all the world, unstoppable, making my defeat more bitter with every passing bar."

Think about why we still take Mozart's music into our lives, especially for those studying arts (what kind of authority I have to pose such question when I'm an actuarial science student? ;-) )

oh yeah.."What a scandal.....What a COMEDY!...."

...beloved and sweet land (country) of mine

2010-03-05T19:16:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt certain songs will bring you to certain memories or moments?
Well, this song reminds me of plenty of memories. Now that I just found the meaning of the words, it magically makes more sense related to the memories. Especially, now, when it's getting closer to going back home.

*I did post this song before with a different subject matter*

Italia
Andrea Bocelli & Chris Botti

E passione forte che mi fa soffrire per amore
Ogni volta che io mi allontano so
che noi ci apparteniamo ancora un po di piu.
La strada dove io bambino restero
Dentro a questi sogni di musica
Libero di vivere la vita che vorrei.
La mia musica e per te immenso amore mio
questa melodia nasce dentro me sempre piu
la nostalgia che ho di te amore e dolce terra mia.

And now for those who don't speak the Italian language:

It's strong passion that makes me suffer for love
Each time I go away I know
that we belong to each other a little more.
The way I'll always stay (be) a child
Inside these dreams about music
Free to live the life that I want.
My music is for you great love of mine
this song makes me feel more and more
the nostalgia I have for you beloved and sweet land (country) of mine.

It's a story of two love affairs.

2010-03-02T22:56:00.000-08:00

Hah! Soooooooooo good!

...and I kind like this song..

All over the places.

2010-02-23T05:04:00.000-08:00

Rebecca G. Bryant, a brilliant dancer, choreographer and thinker! here at Purdue Dance Department, told me to post this in my blog when she saw me writing down random stuff in my notebook. Hamlet is getting "crazier", Purdue Dance Co. is getting more intense, Actuarial Model II is making me memorizing more and more formulas everyday, Advanced Stage Movements is pulling me down into my mind and heart searching the "truths". Here are stuff I wrote since last week:

"The song of sparrows
Little Ashes

Owen Pallett
He poos clouds

DV8 physical theater

Douglas Sirk
Tsai Ming Liang <-- Malaysian?
Francois Truffaut

Abdellah Taia's Salvation Army
Brideshead Revisited

Bright Star

Mike Bartlet's Cock
Alexi Kaye Campbell's The Pride

When I was a little kid, my mom always told me that I could go play wherever I want to but do not to come back home before the sun goes down.
The door would be shut and there was no way in.

I stepped outside of my house,
Going to the place where I've been dreaming to go to, doing things I want to do, chasing dreams I've been having since day I could remember, being on the top and the bottom in different kind of games.

Sitting on a bench. Over nice warm spring.
Could be with a lover lying on his lap.
Flashbacks 1st day coming to Purdue. Meeting his lover.
Looking at the sun.
Turn back to the crowd of Malaysians. Picnic. Laughing. Close up happiness."

Le fils de l'épicier (The Grocer's Son)

2010-02-17T05:59:00.000-08:00

It has become one of all time favorite films.

A charismatic actor

2009-12-28T10:05:00.000-08:00

Often as audience we get confused on actors acting abilities. I adore Katherine Heigl in Grey's Anatomy but NEVER on any of her cinematic works. I think Sally Field was fantastic in Places in the Heart but she's not my favorite as Nora Walker in Brothers & Sisters.

So, as casting agent, director, and producer, how to choose?

Let me paraphrase Yasmin Ahmad -

"How am i gonna choose an actor or actress? I just choose somebody who were born with these "things". I just choose them and I can't take credits from it. And I have to step back as a film director and let people be wonderful. If they're wonderful, take them. If the character you have written, which is pure imagination doesn't suit them, you change it so it suits them because they are God creations. And they are blessed with these things. Who are you? You've just written a semi-fictional character."

And I saw Equus on Broadway with Daniel Radcliffe in it. As much as I've seen him in as Harry Potter or Maps in December Boys or John Kipling in My Boy Jack, this is the closest to his 'natural' personality that I could see in Equus, after all, it's THEATER!

You can watch more here.

One of a hundred reasons

2009-11-21T01:31:00.000-08:00

One of a hundred reasons why I am obsessed with, interested in, crazy about Grey's Anatomy is Sarah Ramirez. A two-time Tony award winner, Sara is an amazing stage artist. Shona Rhimes really knows exactly the fictional characters she has in mind in projecting Ramirez's remarkable abilities.

Singing Silent Night beautifully in this scene accompanying Bailey's powerful monologue.

A fierce star moment

And, yes, a true performer.

Did I mention that she graduated from Julliard?

Celebration of ordinary people

2009-11-20T23:08:00.000-08:00

This is the latest oeuvres from Yoji Yamada I saw. Thank you to P. Midg for introducing Netflix to me! Super awesome! I've been watching Shakespeare's a lot since I registered.

Okay, back to the film.

Kabei - Our Mother is not like Yamada's brilliant samurai's trilogy - - Twilight Samurai, The Hidden Blade, and Love and Honor, but it hits all the right spots to make me cry like chopping onions. It still deals with Yamada's peculiar observations on humanity, especially family. This is a heart-wrenching tale of a family, in which the husband, a Japanese professor was imprisoned for "thought" crime. Yamada delicately made a searing attack on the stupidity of social system that retained many of the feudal traits of the period depicted in his trilogy. However, beyond these social issues, the story is well-knead to make it a rewarding exploration of a family resilience in the face of distress.

Often when I watch films, I do not always look for brilliant acting, amazing sound effects, beautiful cinematography, etc. Only if the film could move me, then I could start talking about those aspects. Kabei is such an amazing piece for me when I could relate myself to it. It's remarkable that when you watch a film that depicts the actual feelings or stories of humanity, everybody is able to relate themselves in any ways.

p/s: This post could give a glimpse about the film.

Promises

2009-11-17T16:50:00.000-08:00

Have we seen enough promises on West Bank conflict, or even the World at large? And how big is our hope towards the peace and harmony? Mine? Bigger when after watching this piece. Personally, for me, Arabs, Jewish, Muslims, Yahudis, Israelis, Palestinians, etc, are just ridiculous labels in this piece.Bones break, organs burst, flesh tears. We can sew the flesh, repair the damage, ease the pain. But when life breaks down, when we break down, there's no science. No hard and fast rules. We have to feel our way through. And you know what? This applies to all the labels stated above. This piece delicately speaks it out to me. Simplicity and ordinary could give greater impact than complexity and extraordinary. Pick our lenses wisely.

Quick update

2009-11-08T20:23:00.000-08:00

Wokeh, it's has been a while since my last post. Here you go quick updates:

I've been so busy with two stat, two theater, and one dance classes. And again, what's my major?
Finally, ended the journey of "Attempts of Her life". Lessons learned ? Tons! Couple pictures follow.
Currently, I am working on two monologues, Ariel from Shakespeare's The Tempest and Man from Durang's Laughing Wild. People are afraid of Shakespeare's. Facing off the fear, I found that Shakespeare's are really close to one's heart and mind. EVERYBODY can understand and speak Shakespeare. It's a revelation for me.
I've been attending several performances at Purdue. Modern dance rooting on different feelings, theater workshops/productions pertaining various themes and musical performances/gigs in different genres, or all of them combine together.

three important lessons learned:

As a performer, be true to YOUR feelings in the objectives on being on stage. Don't pretend to be somebody you are not.
In creating/producing (especially a workshop) a piece or work, start with feelings not ideas.
Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse and rehearse!

Till then! Later!

....oh wait! Lady Gaga's coming to Purdue? =x

Proud

2009-10-15T10:09:00.000-07:00

I'm very proud of 15Malaysia.

I used to believe that there's no hope of returning, but these wonderful characters give me something to believe in.

Check out this video.

The last 30secs really gets trough my veins to my heart.
click here.

Man!

2009-09-29T19:54:00.000-07:00

Fuh! It has been forever since I wrote the last post.
Here are some updates.

- Less than a year to graduate!

Majors: Actuarial Science, Statistics, Theater

Minors: Economics, Management.

Future Profession: Rock climber?

- Currently rehearsing for a play/movement.It's "Attempts on her life" by a notorious-well-known British playwright (or rather not to be called so himself) Martin Crimp. I would say that a workshop is not a performance. It's more to an exploration of an idea towards a piece of art work and could be considered a more organic work. It's on its best when dealing with unconventional artwork. In this piece, we are working on expressing the world of post-modernism (really fascinating!). I'm a part of "Faith in Ourselves" scene and being a voice-over for three others,including the best part of the play, the final scene!

- Finally, I am a grader for STAT department, continuing the tradition of actuarial science kids. Now, I agree with Zehan and DJ that this is THE BEST job in college!

- Oh yeah, one last thing, actually three. Movements for Actor, Voice for Actor and Modern Dance combine together is diving into an obsession of your body and mind. I got Tao Te Ching (Charles Muller), The Soul of Rumi, View With a Grain of Sand and A Tree Within in my mailbox the other day! so sexificated to get lost in them!

Till next time!
Later!

Something I always go back to..

2009-09-01T21:32:00.000-07:00

Something worth to watch, for me, at least. I always find something new everytime I watch this.

From my favorite film

2009-08-16T17:38:00.000-07:00

Recently, I stumbled upon these two pieces from Rabindranath Tagore works and, I swore that I've heard it before. It took me a while to recall my memory of listening to these beautiful poems. Any guesses in what film you can find them?

Say of him what you please, but I know my child's failings

I do not love him because he is good, but because he is my little child.

How should you know how dear he can be when you try to weigh his merits against his faults?

When I must punish him he becomes all the more a part of my being.

When I cause his tears to come my heart weeps with him

I alone have a right to blame and punish, for he only may chastise who loves.

- The Judge, The crescent moon

I hold her hands and press her to my breast.

I try to fill my arms with her loveliness, to plunder her sweet

smile with kisses, to drink her dark glances with my eyes.

Ah, but, where is it? Who can strain the blue from the sky?

I try to grasp the beauty, it eludes me, leaving only the body in

my hands.

Baffled and weary I come back.

How can the body touch the flower which only the spirit may

touch?

- 49, The Gardener

A missive

2009-08-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

Gratitude
Between Caley Milliken and You

Hello Caley,
How you've been? What are you up to lately? I hope everything is going well. I'm writing this message to extend my gratitude for all the lessons you gave me last semester.

I has never come to my intention to dive into theatre world or any kind of arts, until I took your class. The initial intention was to fill up my double majors; actuarial science and statistics, double minors; economics and management schedule making sure that at the end of the day I would have something fun to indulge myself into. And here you came opening my eyes, heart and soul to see the beauty of art, which now I realized that it wasn't just specifically for theatre. Everything you brought into class applies for any kind of arts in general.

My direction has slowly changed towards exploring the persona of performing arts. Now, I'm religiously reading Twyla Tharp's we used in the class for my 3rd time. I've never got enough of it. It is so fascinating that the materials and ideas she presents in the books are closely matched to lessons we had in class because when I go back to those lessons, I've started to see what you were trying to say in every single lessons, which some of them I didn't fully understand the purpose. Honestly, it excites me so much when I could see the real intentions behind it. For example, our first "presentation", when I almost broke down in class. In the book, Twyla points out different kinds of memories including "Sensual Memory" and also in "The Fervent Years" Harold Clurman talks a little bit about affective memory, which both are recalling on the memories actors felt when they were in a situation similar (or more recently a situation with similar emotional import) to that of their character. I would say the "presentation" we had in class was an excercise of recalling the memory and act upon the emotions, which can be used in the future as a tool on stage.

This whole process of pulling everything back from the class and trying to piece them back together is really exhilarating for me and finding the validity behind it through books and articles is something I'm really looking forward daily. This is not my field, formally, but you pulled me into this world and you placed me on the right track. I've never been grateful enough of whoever I am now and of whatever I'm chasing for. I might not end up graduating in Theatre but I will continue exploring this world. I was hoping you would come back this coming semester and share with me a dollop of your humble pie that I would spare some to sweeten my journey in the future. A great gratitude comes from my heart to you for a piece you shared with me.

Thank you.
p/s: sorry for my poor English.

A missive

2009-07-27T20:26:00.000-07:00

Hanif,

I try not to show it, but going back to base is one of the scariest responsibilities that I have put it off for so long. To be honest, I wasn't planning to ever return to base. I had a set, comfortable life of nothing, and running became my dream. I found it easy to hide from the government, and I have been fortunate enough to have great people who are happy to shelter me in my time of need. Yes! It was the simple, comfortable life of escape.

...then I met you.

I know what I now have to do. I am not any less scared, nor am I any less tempted to run, but you are worth so much more than what I now lack. You are the reason that I am going back to base; I love you, I cherish you, and I desire to remain with you as long as you'll have me.

I am scared, but I will andure fear for you!

The next weeks to follow will be undoubtly rough. I am only going to be as strong as you support me. Please, don't give up. I will return.

Seriously?

2009-07-27T17:24:00.000-07:00

And she's gone..

2009-07-25T09:59:00.000-07:00

She taught me how to open barriers I built against love.

She showed me my roots of being a Malaysian, which then I translate through my daily interactions with other human beings, regardless the differences.

She introduced me to the great oeuvres of Pablo Neruda, who now becomes my favorite poet.

She told me to find the beauty behind Mira Nair's collections, which then lead me to "meet" Jhumpa lahiri.

She adviced me to seek the truth behind stunning act and enticing lines, which then lead me to have another degree, which is Theatre.

She wanted me to seek refuge in the tranquility of Qurans sentences, which then I portrayed in my art works through humanity.

And there she goes, my greatest hero, Yasmin Ahmad, returning back to the Almighty.

I'm grateful to God for letting me meeting this beautiful creature of His for a very short time. It has always been my dream to meet her in personal after years of conversation through e-mails and instant messages. A huge part of myself right now has been built according to her guidance, that I will treasure in my whole life in becoming an artist. After all, she was a friend, a teacher, and a mother to me. And truth to be told I am not coping with her death well.

Rest in peace Mak.

Eros II

2009-07-04T09:59:00.000-07:00

I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

- Love Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda

Man.. I'm really drunk in this love.

You're not alone

2009-06-26T09:16:00.000-07:00

One of my memorable trip to The Red River Gorge, KY was with Jenny and Endo. It was 5-hour driving, filled up with spontaneous jokes, twitzzlers, coffee, stops at "weird" fancy restaurants and Michael Jackson songs. I will remember that trip as I will remember Michael Jackson as a true entertainer. And I feel like too often we wait until someone passes to truly celebrate his/her impacts. Rest in peace.

Cherry Blossoms - Hanami

2009-06-22T20:29:00.000-07:00

This film definitely reminds me of the only Yasujiro Ozu's work I have seen, Tokyo Story, and of course a little bit of Rabun. It's a kind of film that moves 'slowly' so that I, personally, would pay attention to every little details in the film that blended mostly in delicate metaphors - flies, ducks, cherry blossoms, apart from a very compelling storytelling. And I believe that Doris Dorrie has had great thoughts on every single materials she presented in this piece.

It hurts me so much watching this piece that it gives me more reasons to love my parents. When I realized mak's devotion to abah, I thought it was merely an obligated responsibility. My childhood memories were full of hatred towards abah after what he had done to mak and it was not just me, but also my siblings. And not until couple months before I came to the States that I fully understood my confusion of mak's devotion (Yeah, another childhood pshychological trauma. Nothing much to complain about). Trudi and Rudi's love shows me exactly what I need to see as a son and a future partner to a soul.

I miss you, mak, abah.

Okuribito - Death is not the end of humanity

2009-06-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

It could be told from most of my entries that I'm amateurishly sentimental (speaking about professional, Yasmin Ahmad owned it). Okuribito (Departures) definitely deepened my understanding of this human's emotion, in coping with life. It does not really have mind-twisted-tricky plots because its events unravel predictably, but the film is profoundly affecting, well-written moving story, rich characters and superlative acting - Kudos to Yojiro Takita.

The fact that it has expected plots does not take away all the credits from other attributes of the movie. Kundo Kayama's screenplay has made the film very well-paced. I'm amazed by his way of putting real-life witty gist in every encoffing ceremonies.

In a scene, in the office, when it's snowing over Christmas outside, Sasaki, Yuriko and Daigo are enjoying fried chicken with wines. And Daigo grabs his old cello to play a song requested by Yuriko.

Daigo - Well what should I play?
Sasaki - Let's see.. something Christmasy
Daigo - Uh..will different religions bother you?
Sasaki - Don't worry. Buddism, Christian, Islam, Hindu. We handle all religions here.
Daigo - Then, for the Holy Night.

And there it goes the best version of Holy Night I've ever heard. This is another part that made me drown into the film, the music composed by Joe Hisaishi. Soundtracks have been my attentions in watching movies since Casablanca and I believe Hisaishi has composed and placed ALL the soundtracks well in the film. It was very moving piece for me. (And guess what..I just bought its original soundtracks!)

Regarding the acting, personally, I found it is hard to pull off Daigo Kobayashi character portrayed by Masahiro Motoki as I've been told by my acting mentor to put myself in actors shoes when I watch acting performances. Interconnected emotionally, Daigo and I have a common painful history except that he is healed, sadly with a heart-wrenching lost. Overall, I found that the actors never overplay, never spell out what can be said in a glance or a shrug, communicate great passion very quietly, as I wish Daigo's extremely cheerful wife, Mika (Ryoko Hirosue) was real.

As one of the runners for Best Foreign Language Film along with Waltz With Bashir, Der Baader-Meinhof Komplex and The Class, Departures definitely surprized lot of critics. From my perspective after watching all the films running for the title, I think Departures deserved the Oscar.

Death may be the termination of a life, but it's not the end of humanity.

New!

2009-05-30T19:10:00.000-07:00

Running on tracks, entertaining along with orchestras, playing in team sports, arguing on stage, flying across the world, backpacking on a well-known trail, climbing at one of the most greatest climbing spots...and now, cooking in a kitchen!
I got a job helping a culinary chef at The Union.

Happy Go Lucky

2009-05-28T12:42:00.000-07:00

"Enraha" the word stuck in my mind right now whenever I think about "Happy Go Lucky". My acting mentor, Rich Rands, told me to see this hilarious and enriching movie directed by Mike Leigh because the fact that Mike Leigh uses a lot of improvisation in his script, from what the actors come up with during rehearsals.

Critics elaborately talked about Sally Hawkins' ability to portray Poppy's character, who must smile, be peppy, optimistic, talk high-pitched with infectious giggle at almost all times. It must be done naturally and convincingly, which some claims that's harder than playing Lady Macbeth. However, for me, I strayed away a little bit from my actual purpose of watching the movie. It took me far away from thinking about technical acting abilities among the actors, which I was told to look at. The storytelling aspect of the movie brought me to a higher level of understanding humanity in the effect of Sally's portrayal in "living truthfully under imaginary circumstances".

Mostly, Poppy's life episodes are similar to us, me, at least and that means the characters she encounters or surrounded by. But, the ways she deals with all of these, regardless the emotional states of the situations, has shown me the wonderful side of humanity. For instance, Poppy's relationship with Scott (Eddie Marsan). Bad tempered, Scott is an odd for a driving instructor especially he seems to channel road rage. His system for helping her remember the rear-view mirror and the two side mirrors involve naming them after fallen angels. He screams at her. No one could drive with Scott at their side. Any other person would quit working with Scott after one lesson. Not Poppy. Does she think she can help him? Their relationship descends into an extraordinary scene during which we suddenly see right inside both of them and understand better what Poppy's cheerfulness is all about. We also see Scott's terrifying insecurity and self-loathing.

Apart from very thick British accents, which I was having a hard time to understand with, I believe "Happy Go Lucky" has taught me the value of accepting people around me, despite their traits and characteristics.
"Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart" - Marcus Aurelius 121-80 AD, Roman Emperor, Philosopher.

Pain

2009-05-17T21:21:00.000-07:00

There's too much pains obscurely portrayed by Kristin Scott Thomas in this masterpiece from Phillipe Claudel. No fancy shots. No distinctive and eloquent soundtracks. Just purely and emotionally engaged characters pulling off the cruelty state of "pain". This portrait strikes the feeling right away when it comes out in the movie. It's a very beautiful piece by Emile Friant. (click on the image for larger version)

I've Loved You So Long carries small zephyrs of suspense, but they are not the kind to send chills down te spine and set us grippping the handles of our seats. If you happened to see this one, try to fully immersed yourself in the characters' emotions.

Universal language

2009-04-18T12:19:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in Green-room (a room for actors chillin when they are not on stage) reading an article about Dustin Lance Black's struggles to make Milk happens in W, when I heard somebody sang "Kendati selautan segunung/Permata di kanan dan kiri/Selagi jantungku berdegup hingga tiba saat terhenti/Dialah dihati" with perfect enunciation! It was Nico singing that verse while listening to his iPOD. It amazed me too that he told me he was trying hard to find the song after listening to Siti's beautiful rendition from Royal Albert Hall concert years ago. Since he found that song, he said he's been listening to Siti's over and over again and can't help falling in love with her voice.

Weeks ago he asked me who's the best singer in Malaysia and with no doubt I said Siti Nurhaliza three times so he could pronouce it correctly. I didn't expect that he's gonna be really into Siti, considering the fact that he doesn't know Malay to understand Siti's songs. He said "The beauty of arts is universal. Arts speak universal language."

I don't understand Italian but after listening to this song, a collaboration between three great legends, Andrea Brocelli, Chris Botti and David Foster to produce the mesmerizing piece, Italia, I couldn't agree less with Nico.

Busy ending

2009-04-13T07:25:00.000-07:00

I know Addin's gonna be laughing reading this post, but, seriously, I AM gonna be busy towards the end of this semester (huh! Almost done with Junior year!). After doing wardrobe for "You Can't Take it With You" last semester, it feels like eating garam belacan and mempelam, that from the moment you start dipping, you can't stop it, because the hotness needs to be kept on going. So, I requested to do backstage work again this semester. Since, my You Can't Take It With You's fierce partner, Kat Garrow - she just recently decided to go with Kait, her real name, but I call her Kat anyways, is in "The Shape of Things" cast, we decided to do "Much Ado About Nothing". The play is set to be in Miami and the cast is gonna be Cuban!

"Kat Garrow!!!" I yelled her name when I saw her walking out of Performing and Arts Hall across the street.
"Hanif Kamis!!" She ran across the street and gave me a hug. The yelling at each other's name part is not something unusual when you are around or inside Performing and Arts building, as people who see this would assume that you're one of those crazy actors practicing their scenes or Evelyn in The Shape of Things is doing another thesis.
"We need to bring sexy back to the backstage this semester." I said after we agreed to do Much Ado.
With her left hand being rested on her left hip, another hand pointing to the air and her body leaning back a little bit, she went "Nah-ah....we're not bringing sexy back, because sexy NEVER LEFT!"

Much Ado's gonna run from April 17th to 25th. With some matinees, it means my life will be pretty much in that building. Hmm... wait a sec...isn't my major Actuarial Science?

Prepared to be lucky

2009-04-05T17:03:00.000-07:00

Lately, my Zune's playlist is full with original soundtracks. Atonement OST has taught me the beauty behind OST that is curcial to be incorporated in a film. Of course, I have owned several OST's before Atonement - thanks to Miss Eti for introducing Craig Armstrong. Slumdog Millionaire, Brokeback Mountain, Mystic River, Changeling, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Chicago, and Moulin Rouge are among films that I've collected their OST. However, the best part of this is what Tyla Tharp said in her The Creative Habit: Learn it and use it for life, "digging your grooves".

Listening to all these great composers, I started to gain interest knowing their other works. This process also introduced me to another world of creativity in arts. For example, after being mesmerized by melodramatic soundtracks in Cinema Paradiso, I've come to know Ennio Morricone, Italian Academy Award-winning composer for Cinema Paradiso itself and other great films such as the astounding Once Upon a in America. The soundtracks Cinema Paradiso and Deborah's Theme relatively from both films mentioned, have been re-arranged and played by numerous musicians in all over the world and one of them is the great comtemporary jazz trumpeter, Chris Botti. This is the point I think I got my "groove". Botti's music expressively pulled me into the ecstactic jazz music. Other than that, his music makes me wanted to listen to opera songs, which I never thought I would fall in love to. Nessun Dorma popularly sang by the legendary late Luciano Pavarotti, which is also an aria from the final act of Giacomo Puccini's opera Turandot, is one of the songs recomposed and played by Botti.

On top of that, his music has become a part of my daily routines. Again, Twyla emphasizes that it is important to have a solid rituals of preparation in order to pull out creativity in daily life. Botti's music gives me a solid ritual as I wake up turn on his music, grab a cup of coffee, stand next my room's window, look outside at people walking to classes and I feel like I'm lilting in this beautiful rhapsody. This ritual really helps me creating my character in my theater class, such as imitating different styles of walkings with different feelings - being late to class, enjoying a sunny morning, walking while eating, etc.

After all of this crap that i just wrote, I think your creative endeavors can never be thoroughly mapped out ahead of time. You have to allow for a suddenly altered landscape, the change in plan, the accidental spark - and you have to see it as a stroke of luck rather than disturbance. Habitually creative people are, in E.R. White's phrase, "prepared to be lucky". I'm lucky enough to know Chris Botti.

p/s: I just bought (BOUGHT! - i don't buy DVD except for this one) Chris Botti in Boston which features Sting, Josh Groban, Katherine McPhee, Lucia Micarelli, John Mayer, and Steven Tyler!

A cherished regret

2009-03-22T21:46:00.000-07:00

Do see this great film. I just saw it for the 2nd time. A commentary will be posted.

A tag from Justin

2009-03-03T17:43:00.000-08:00

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle. remember! SHUFFLE !!
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down NO MATTER HOW silly it sounds.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal/blog.

1. If someone says, “Is this okay?” … you say?
'Lay Your Hands On Me' by Bon Jovi - (there's a lot of imaginary circumstances could be created from "Is this okay?". I take it personal. Hence, "lay your hands on me" is appropriate..ahaks!)

2. How would you describe yourself?
'Chasing Car' by Snow Patrol - (Hell yeah! My fav number! "Those three words are said too much..")

3. What do you like in a girl?
'Mind Trick' by Jamie Cullum - (indeed!)

4. How do you feel today?
'The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore' by James Morrison - (hmmm...i'm thinking of something specific..)

5.What is your life’s purpose?
'Details in The Fabric' by Jason Mraz - (I need to draw, color, bring it alive!)

6. What is your motto?
'Submarine Attack (The Curios Case of Benjamin Button's OST)' by Alexandre Desplat - (referring to the scene. Life is full of wars!)

7. What do your friends think of you?
'Uninvited' or Alanis Morissette - (really?)

8. What do you think of your parents?
'Elephant' by Damien Rice - (My Goodness! This is the greatest piece from Damien Rice. For you mom and dad)

9. What do you think about very often?
'Lucky' by Jason Mraz feat Colbie Caillat- (To be lucky I need to be generous)

10. What is 2 + 2?
'I'll Stand by you' by The Pretenders - (2+2 Double dates? Such a nice old school song for a date!)

11. What do you think of your best friend?
'The Half Killed (Atonement OST)' by Dario Marianelli - (wow...honestly, my best friends change along the way in my life. Or does that mean I don't have best friends? They're Half-killed along the way?)

12. What do you think of the person you like?
'Glasgow Love Theme (Love Atually OST)' by Craig Armstrong - (This is when instruments in a beautiful song speaks to you about beauty)

13. What is your life story?
'Falling Slowly (Once OST)' by Glen Hansard - (How i appreciate Humanity so much..love Glen's music so much)

14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
'Live High' by Jason Mraz - (Yeah! Live High, Live Mighty! Live Righteously!)

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
'Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill)' by Boyce Avenue - (Self explanatory)

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
'Time after Time (Accoustic)' by Bon Jovi (Perfect!)

17. What will they play at your funeral?
'Hidden' by Craig Armstrong - (amazingly crafted for such event)

18.What is your hobby/interest?
'Catch the sun' by Jamie Cullum - (I'm ready for that! Can't wait for summer!)

19. What is your biggest fear?
'Benjamin and Daisy (The Curios Case of Benjamin Button OST)' by Alexandre Desplat (afraid of having such relationship between Benjamin and Daisy)

20. What is your biggest secret?
'Love Letters (Atonement OST)' by Dario Marianelli - (I have never written any love letters. Not a secret anymore.)

21. What do you think of your friends?
'Thankful' by Kelly Clarkson- (well said)

22. What will you post this as?
'People Can't Change (Changeling OST)' by Clint Eastwood - (Partially, true.)

23.say something bout the person tagged you.
'Under the influence' by James Morrison - (yeah! influence from others to tag others!)

My "pencil"

2009-02-17T12:22:00.000-08:00

As suggested by Twyla Tharp in The Creative Habit: Learn It and Use It for Life, this is my "pencil" for now:

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come

-The tragedie of Hamlet, prince of Denmarke

V-day

2009-02-13T15:32:00.000-08:00

Ophelia:

To-morrow is Saint Valentine's Day,
All in the morning bedtime,
And I a maid at your window,
To be your window,
To be your Valentine.
Then up he rose, and donn'd his clothes,
And dupp'd the chamber-door;
Let in the maid, that out a mind
Never departed more.

(William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act IV, Scene 5)

It has occurred in my past twenty years that I never celebrate Valentine's Day. (Yes, I chose "celebrate" as the action here). For the sake of respecting Islam I was told not to honor one of Early Christian martyrs, Valentine, to keep my faith from straying away, in general. Thence, had I known in my life in Malaysia not to celebrate Valentine's Day.

Last week I attended an acting workshop conducted by Shakespeare & Co., which headquarter is in Boston, MA, one of the established theater companies throughout the world. Monologue above was recited by my fellow in theater class, Amy, at the workshop. The question of "intention" in celebrating Valentine's Day aroused, when I was wondering my action of not celebrating it. I DO want to celebrate Valentine's Day, but MY intention is not to honor Valentine, may be appreciating my beloved one on the same day as other couples do, or appreciating Shakespeare's oeuvre.

Wish you were here

2009-01-16T06:10:00.000-08:00

We all get at least one good wish a year. Over the candles on our birthday. Some of us throw in more. On eyelashes, fountains, lucky stars, and every now and then, one of those wishes comes true. So what then? Is it is as good as we'd hoped? Do we bask in the warm glow of our happiness? Or, do we just notice we've got a long list of other wishes waiting to be wished?

We don't wish for the easy stuff. We wish for big things. Things that are ambitious, out of reach. We wish because we need help and we're scared and we know we may be asking too much. We still wish, though, because sometimes they come true.

A car?

2009-01-05T09:07:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've been watching several movies from Sean Penn, Gus Van Sant, Ron Howard and Clint Eastwood. Some of you might notice that most of them worked together in one production or another. Mystic River, Changeling, Unforgiven, Frost/Nixon, Good Will Hunting, Elephant, and Gran Torino are all the movies I've covered so far. Damn! I have no life! Anyway, I don't wanna talk elaborately the style of directions and storytelling by these great artists.

As for Gran Torino, I supposed it's another masterpiece from Clint. For those who always see movies straight to the plots, this movie might be another boring movie. Not saying that I'm really good in integrating ideas of a movie and concluding its premise, I believe this movie, Clint's last performance on silver screen, summarizes Clint's credibility as one of the greatest actors and filmmakers in the industry.

Here's Gran Torino's original song, music by Clint Eastwood, Jamie Cullum, Kyle Eastwood, Michael Stevens; lyrics by Kyle Eastwood, Michael Stevens. It's gonna compete in Golden Globe with Down To Earth from Wall-E, I Thought I lost You from Bolt, Once in A lifetime from Cardillac Records, and The Wrestler from The Wrestler.

p/s: pyan, I don't review movies. I write what I feel and think about movies.

If You Forget Me

2008-12-26T18:41:00.000-08:00

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists.
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But,
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined to me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving me.

I stumbled upon this poem when I was doing research about this great Chilean poet. While listening to Clint's masterpiece scores from Changeling, I kept on reading this piece over and over again until it came across my mind on how difficult it is for two souls embracing love.

In other event, I finally have seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. The movie is stunning. Bolstered by cunningly directed cinematography, the movie has a story about the truth of life to tell.

My name is Harvey Milk, and I am here to recruit you - Milk

2008-12-13T15:57:00.000-08:00

Sean Penn, Emile Hirch, Gus Van Sant and James Franco worked together in a film production. What more can I ask for? These amazing people, the artists I admire the most, collaborated together to produce Milk.

It didn't take me much time to look for this movie. Living here out of nowhere in Lafayette, I don't have many choices of movies to see in cinemas as the idea of clustering in Econ370 is not really applied to this town yet. As the overrated Twilight hit cinemas couple weeks ago, it could be said that they show that movie in every hour in every cinemas! So, with the hope of not being disappointed for spending couple bucks to drive down to Indianapolis, me with 2 other climbing buddies watched, a biopic, Milk 2 days ago.

Compared to other political assassinations: John Kennedy, Martin Luther King and Robert Kennedy, Harvey Milk's could be easily lost in this parade of these great dead leaders, in which also being gunned down, along with Mayor George Moscone, in 1978, couple months after being elected as the 1st openly gay man elected to major political office. But, Gus Van Sant, the maker of Elephant, Mala Noche, Paranoid Park, My Own Private Idaho, or the more commercial ones, Good Will Hunting and Finding Foresster, beautifully memorialized Harvey Milk in his recent oeuvre, Milk.

It all begins when Harvey Milk (Sean Penn) was a NYC insurance executive, closeted and clean-cut. On the steps down to the subway he picks up Scott Smith (portrayed with flirtatious charm by a hottie, James Franco - well-known as PeterParker's best friend in Spiderman). Trying to get to a better place where they can be themselves and surrounded by people who accept them as they are, they both moved to Castro, San Francisco's gay village within Eureka Valley. This is where Milk's political and personal life revolved.

I am no lesbians, gays, bisexuals, or transgender activist. Whatever you think about homosexuals (or politicians), you may find the movie worth seeing. Milk, embodied by Sean Penn in an extraordinary and self-effacing performance, takes the same journey of self-discovery that so many ordinary people must.

What do I write?

2008-11-28T12:13:00.000-08:00

I found this link from Doc: Bed Story. People are asking me what am rambling about in my blogs. At one point, I'm kinda curious about what people think about me when they read my entries. So, this website pretty much has an accurate idea about me or my blog, at least.

Just put on your blog address and it'll tell you about your blog or personality.

This is the analysis it tells about my blog.

ESFP - The Performers

"The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.

The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions."

Wade Robson - Beautiful performer

Pn. Azian, my notorious C++ instructor back in INTEC, always reminded me about a program's robust. I tested Azwan's blog and the result is kinda funny. Check it out by yourself.

Calamity?

2008-11-16T18:43:00.000-08:00

Calamity? Worth it or not?

"We like to think we're fearless, eager to explore unknown lands and soak up new experiences, but the fact is, we're always terrified. Maybe the terror is part of the attraction. Some people go to horror movies. We cut things open. Dive into dark water. And at the end of the day, isn't that what you'd rather to hear about? If you've got one drink and one friend and 45 minutes. Slow rides make for boring stories. A little calamity. Now that's worth talking about."

Quantitatively speaking, "Well, it depends on the end result. Investment and Time value of Efforts can be calculated". But how about the process?

RIP Ben and Laura

2008-11-05T19:32:00.000-08:00

Climbing at the Red river gorge has been a beautiful part of my journey in the US. Sometimes, in the middle of freaking hectic life as a student on campus, it randomly comes across my mind how nice it was if I were in the Red, camping out at Miguel's Pizza, rocking the rocks, hanging out with climbers, enjoying hand made pizza with self-grown vegetables and chatting about lots of stuff. I made tons of friends at the Red both local climbers and foreigners. They are all friendly and fun to be friend with. The environment is always warm that everybody is being nice to each other. It does not matter who you are, where you're coming from and whether you are a good climbers or not, everybody respects each other equally.
Today, I was so in shocked when I found out that two climbers at the Red River gorge were dead on a crag. Here's what I got from my club's mailing list:

"The two passed at global village around monday. Ben left Miguels monday with Laura. Their plan was to climb white-out and lower to the ledge to climb " The Man Behind the Curtain". Tuesday afternoon Jordan and Kobes drove by the parking lot and realized Ben's car was still there. Worried for their friend, they hiked up to the wall. They found Ben and Laura dead at the base of the cliff. They quickly ran down and called 911. At the scene Ben had Laura on belay and she was tied in. Ben was farther down the hill than her. Today Dan and I rapped in from the top to discover what happened. It appears that they climbed "white-out" and then lowered to the ledge half way up the wall. This ledge is the belay for the 11a "Man behind the Curtain". From what we could tell, they decided not to climb it........there was no chalk.... The anchors on the ledge were two rusty bolts with webbing run through them. At the ledge we found the webbing was broken. On the ground we had found a rap ring with blood on it.

They must have put the rope through the rap ring and started lowering Laura. The webbing broke, pulling Ben with her. There was no gear on the anchors, so we think he went in direct to the sling that he was lowering her with. The webbing was completely white. Where the webbing was against the bolt there was a faint color of its original color, dark purple. We assume they didn't notice the poor condition of the webbing."

I literally wept when I read this that this could happen to good climbers who had been climbing for almost their whole lives. And they were those people who I met regularly and talked to when I went to the Red. Now, they are dead because of falling on a climbing route.
Rest in peace Ben and Laura~

War!

2008-10-30T12:14:00.000-07:00

Today, I am declaring WAR towards OREOS!!!
*strategies - Hakim as a weapon (give him all the Oreos left to finish as quick as his body can absorb which relatively faster than mine)
- more vegetables to be acquired from Allies (wal-mart and food mart)
- Corec as training field!

Waaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhh!!!!!

POCtoberfest (Purdue Outing Club October Fest)

2008-10-09T09:22:00.000-07:00

It's an hour before ECON370 (International Trade) mid-term.
Kind of ready except for couple of ideas about how environmental regulation affects International trade.
STAT416 (Probability) mid-term at 6:30.
Tired of rolling dice and shuffling decks for past few days.
But...Bah! Don't give a shit.
Because, on top of those,
Totally excited for POCtoberfest tomorrow!!
Place: The New River Gorge, West Virginia
Date: Oct 11-13 (8 hours driving in Endo's car!)
Activities: Climbing, climbing, climbing and CLIMBING!

oh ya, found this superb websites pertaining to poetry.
Puisi-poesy
Yang Tercetus Lalu Bersuara
Bernice Chauly

Check them out!

Off to W. Virginia!

A Tag

2008-09-26T04:53:00.000-07:00

Starting time: 7.53 a.m. US EST
Name: Mohd Hanif Kamis
Sisters: 2
Brothers: 2
Shoe Size: 9.5-10
Height: 178 cm
Where do you live: home

have you ever been on a plane? yes

swam in the ocean? like tengah2 laut? no

fallen asleep in school? hell yeah

broken someone's heart? yes!

fell off your chair? a lot masa sek rendah

sat by the phone and waited all night for someone to call? nah...

saved emails? yeah. important ones

what is your room like? hmmm...typical pemalas org bujang. ask addin!

what's right beside you? calculator, STATS hw and iPOD

what was the last thing you ate? toast bread and fish sticks

ever had chicken pox? masa kecik2

like picnics? not really when I have to set up t BBQ. Kalo makan je suka la!

who was/were the last person you dance with? OMG! Laurie, Kate and Jenny! White boys dance!

last made you smile? people at Tent in Town

you last yelled at... i don't yell

today did you talk to someone you like? not yet.

kissed anyone? emmmm.... *wink*wink*

get sick? occasionally

talked to an ex? yup! even closer than before but still be careful with the barrier

missed someone? OMG! tons of people

who do you really hate? I don't hate people

do you like your handwriting? Hell yeah!

are your toenails painted? nope.

whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in?
Josh Hess and Mark

what colour shirt are you wearing right now? Don't ask me about color.

are you a friendly person? not a question to be asked to me

do you have any pets? never

do you sleep with the tv on? nope. really light sleeper

what are you doing right now? working in computer lab. And about to leave soon! Thank God!

can you handle the truth? with time

are you closer to your mother or father? I would say mom.

do you eat healthy? freakingly healthy

do you steal pictures of you and your ex? Steal? No.

if you're having a bad day, who would you most likely go to?
I'd rather keep it to myself. After all I don't complain a lot about my life until it could bring me down. But if it's TOO bad, I'd go to Josh or Kate

are you loud or quiet most of the time?
Loud! Very loud in every sense

are you confident? most of the time

5 things i was doing 10 years ago:

1. main mercun dlm kelas agama petang2.
2. Played trumpet in school band.
3. Main bola petang2.
4. Main nyorok2 kat newly constructed taman, jatuh from the bumbung and patah tangan. Lied to my mom that I fell from bike.
5. Didn't have any idea that I'd be here now.

5 things i would do if i am a billionaire:
1. Go to Alaska, India, China, and Egypt
2. Shopping!
3. Beli camping and climbing gears yang telah lama diidam-idamkan!
4. Ambitiously climb K2.
5. Kasi family sket.

5 of my bad habits:
1. Too random!
2. pemalas.
3. health freak.
4. good liar
5. selalu susahkan org.

5 places i am living in:
1. 101 N. Russell St.
2. Changlun Kedah
3. Temerloh Pahang.
4. Gurun, Kedah
5. Kuala Rompin Pahang

Ramadhan

2008-09-16T04:23:00.000-07:00

Ily's recent post gives me the idea to write down this entry. This year's Ramadhan is quite different than last year's as we started on early September, which bring forward iftar as late as 830 p.m. in Lafayette (it's getting earlier though). And it's a bit tiring at the beginning. My 1st day was in my so-called-hometown, 'The Red River Gorge, KY', specifically, Miguel's Pizza.

It was the weekend of labor day plus a canceled morning class on the coming Tuesday, which gave me along with Kate, Adrian and Andy plenty of time having a relaxed-climbing trip. It was not until 3 hours I left Purdue that I called Addin asking solat time, which I rarely forget to jot down before heading to The Red, I figured the 1st of Ramadan was the coming Monday!

There was no problem at all fasting at The Red plus climbing at least 4 routes per day. On Monday after done climbing, Jenny came with an idea to do drive-in movie. And it was gonna be 3 movies back to back! Oh ya, drive-in movie or theater is a form of cinema structure consisting of a large outdoor screen, a projection booth, a concession stand and a large parking area for automobiles. So, basically we pay $2 for each movies and of course drive in into parking area, turn on radio channeled through the frequency given, sit back, grab popcorn and enjoy!

So, Jenny decided, as she always does, to have an early dinner at a Mexican restaurant. I didn't tell them that I was fasting that day. We drove 30mins away from Miguel's and got into this fancy Mexican restaurant in Winchester. When it came to my turn to order, I just said no, which was totally surprising everybody. It is uncommon for us not to have a big meal after such a tiring day of climbing as we always have at least 4 big slices of Miguel's Pizzas. Also, we kinda climbed a bit harder than days before since it was the last day.

As I told them that I was fasting because of Ramadhan, because Muslims before me had to do so, I can neither drink nor eat anything at all bla bla bla, I was bombarded with tons of questions!

Andy: "What if when you're climbing, you're sweating and the sweat drop into your mouth?"
"What if when you brush your teeth and you drink some water?"
"What if I shovel pizza into your mouth now?"
"What if you climb, falls and almost dying in need of water?"
It all came at once! And I was like "Andy..." but Kate goes "Stop it Andy! Otherwise you're gonna be thrown into the Hell." I didn't know whether to laugh or not, but Kate's response making sure I was not troubling myself answering those questions, considering that I was starving, I found hilarious.

The best part of it was when I bought this super duper delicious ikan bakar to eat while watching movies. AND of course Ale-8, a kind of soda which I brought some home a while ago and some people thought they were beers, which doesn't offend me at all. AND drive-in theater was great! I think better than normal theater.
Hmmm.... I miss the Red....

Dude next to me

2008-09-12T07:14:00.000-07:00

So..
It was 930 in the morning. I was so sleepy in WTHR200 com lab.
Was transferred from SC G076. WTHR200 was locked...I couldn't get in...had to call site operator...she was late..people kept on asking me why it's closed...bla bla bla bla...
I started working at 645, ONE and HALF an hour to go.
Need to study for STAT quiz later.
Need to collect materials for my OIL! class paper, which is due tonight.
Need to read a play for my Sound Technology Design final project.

AND all of sudden, there was this kid sitting next to my computer station goes,
"Excuse me, how many electoral votes does it take to win presidential election? 273 or 270?"

I was like, what? how the hell on earth SHOULD I know about it? Do not I look Asian enough not to be asked such question?

But looking at how he was in hurry writing a paper next to me, I just tembak by confidently goes "273."

He thanked me and continued writing. But I felt bad if it was a wrong answer. So, I googled the question and found out it's actually 27.
"Dude, it's 270."

He thanked me again.

I think I should read Paan's blog a lot. Putting the fact that Computer Lab Assistants NEED to be customer friendly. What a policy....

Circle

2008-09-03T18:09:00.000-07:00

Getting back to the Red last week was a hell of fun. Climbing three days in a row, 4-5 routes a day, leading couple of tens and catching up with climbers at Miguel's were something worth for after a long vacation back to Malaysia, though I missed PUMSA's callout.

Not even an hour we left Miguel's, it came across my mind how much I miss the woods. But with these people surrounded around me, I supposed my life at Purdue will be 'wild' enough to pull me off of any bewilderment living in the States.

Justin Kranzman - We started climbing together a year ago

Andy Constantino - Climbing consultant (A flexible climbing beast)

Kate Sipla -Best storyteller ever!! plus she works at Von's, one of my fav places in Lafiesta. We share lots of stories! Gossip buddy!

Jenny Farney - Ex-climbing consultant, who once told me she had a crush on me! Uhuk! uhuk! She's a bit uptight..

Marc Dillon (yeah...Marc with 'c'). A climbing teacher of mine. He's a good climber himself, for sure.

Randy Hart - Just a buddy!

Mark Endo (Don't have a picture of him just himself). He's my brother over here. Always always always be there for me.

Hell yeah! That's a CIRCLE apple pie I made for iftar just now..

Weekend & Labor day

2008-08-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

Off to The Red River Gorge, Kentucky!

It's him again

2008-08-20T18:56:00.000-07:00

I'm always looking for the best definition of 'life' until I came across this clips a while ago. He illustrated one of the best definition I've yet heard.

Reminiscing

2008-08-20T11:44:00.000-07:00

I've heard that it's possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don't go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope against all logic, against all experience, like children, we never give up hope.

After careful consideration, and many sleepful nights, here is what I have decided, there is no such thing as a grownup. We move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own. But the basic insecurities, the basic fears, and all those old wounds just grow up with us and just when we think life and circumstance force us to be an adult your mother says something like that, or worse something like that. We get bigger. We get taller. We get older, but for the most part we're still a bunch of kids running around the playground desperately trying to fit in.

-Meredith Grey (Yesterday)

In it

2008-08-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

So go ahead. Argue with the ref, change the rules. Cheat a little, take a break and tend to your wounds. But play. Play. Play hard, play fast... play loose and free. Play as if there were no tomorrow. It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game... right?

-Meredith Grey (Name of the game)

Belief

2008-07-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

One Swaying Being

Love is not condescension, never
that, nor books, nor any marking

on paper, nor what people say of
each other. Love is a tree with

branches reaching into eternity
and roots set deep in eternity,

and no trunk! Have you seen it?

The mind cannot. Your desiring

cannot. The longing you feel for
this loves comes from inside you.

When you become the Friend, your
longing will be as the man in

the ocean who holds to a piece of
wood. Eventually, wood, man, and

oceans become one swaying being,

shams Tabriz, the secret of God.

-Rumi

2 months plus

2008-07-28T01:52:00.000-07:00

Currently 2 weeks away from heading back to the states
Have been watching lots of Olympics programs, E.R., The Oprah Winfrey Show, already-memorized-lines Grey's Anatomy season 4, and of course GA's sibling, Private Practice.
Have seen Hellboy, The Dark Knight, The X-Files, Get Smart, Wanted, Sepi, and Kung Fu Panda.
Have met the oh-my-god-oh-my-god happening Hiking and Camping Club's members and alumni. All I can say is that was an amazing reunion, even though I had to leave early.
Have been meeting up with close relatives and school buddies; a huge reunion is coming up. Can't wait for that.
Have settled up some 'need to be done' matters. Perhaps.
Currently reading wittingly crafted 'Empire Falls' by Richard Russo.
Have made progress in driving cars. A surprise for Mark Endo and Kate Sipla is coming up!
Went to Thailand and traced Kochem until Bangkok. But, failed...
Reconciliating. A lot.

Counting days. Again, contemplating on the feelings I should have now.

it's a Tag!

2008-07-09T02:13:00.000-07:00

one, do you believe in love at first sight?
always!

two, have you ever felt stupid and why?
yup. in making some decisions. rather say, "mistakes"

three, who do you wish to see right now?
AT gang!

four, if you can have one dream to come true, what would it be?
meeting damien rice.

five, do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
hmmm....not really

six, do you like being who you are today?
better than yesterday

seven, would you change who you are for your lover?
depends.

eight, if you meet someone you love, would you confess to him or her?
confessing? sure!

nine, are you selfish?
yes, at MOST of the parts

ten, have you cheated the one you love?
yup

eleven, which type of cars you love the most?
not really into cars...apa2 pun boleh.

twelve, which do you prefer from your other half, hug or a kiss?
hug

thirteen, if you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
point it out.

fourteen, what do you think is the most important thing in your life?
my devotion towards HIM

fifteen, are you a shopaholic or not?
ask Addin!

sixteen, electronic device or gadget you own that you like most?
iPhone....

seventeen, what is your favourite fragrance?
Obsession - CK

eighteen, what gadget do you wish to have right now?
duh....

nineteen, if given a chance, do you want to see your future?
nope

twenty, are you a virgin?
hmmm......

Three Cups of Tea

2008-06-14T06:09:00.000-07:00

Here (in Pakistan and Afghanistan) we drink three cups of tea to do business; the first you are a stranger, the second you become a friend, and the third, you join our family, and for our family we are prepared to do anything – even die”
-Haji Ali, Korphe Village Chief, Karakoram Mountains, Pakistan.

I closed the book putting it back into in my backpack under the front seat, where I found the old lady’s sandal taken off, and she was sitting on the seat next to me crossed leg, sleeping. She reminded me of my mom. In less than 10 hours I would be meeting my mom after more than a year since I left Malaysia. But the lady’s figure, countenance, shalwar and shawl, had more to tell and gave me perfect description of Pakistan women told by Greg Mortensen and David Oliver Relin in their collaboration producing extraordinary book, Three Cups of tea.

Mortensen's mission is a relentlessly positive one, especially in an effort to trounce impoverishment out of Pakistan and Afghanistan, after failed to conquer K2. As climbers, we both know about the hardship of climbing, but after reading this book, I realized that the summit he’s trying to achieve to promote humanity is much more difficult than any summits. It is by building one school at a time in Pakistan and Afghanistan. As a Muslim I am personally feel connected to most of anecdotes Mortensen incorporated in this book. He talks about Shia and Sunni, marriage in Islam, solah, etc. And all of his stories are told in the most captivating and suspenseful, heartwarming, storytelling book, Three Cups of Tea, which definitely won my heart.

A huge thanks to Taufiq (Ketuat) and Paan for introducing this amazing book to me. And more credit to Paan for lending it to me to bring it back home. By the time I’m writing this entry, I have 3 more chapters to go. This is the first time, me, reading the book without any urgency to end it to know the end. I do not want it to end. The humanitarian mission of changing the world to a better place to live. To live without any qualms of what does the future holds, especially, when I am now sitting in Starbucks having my favorite USD$3.80 caramel macchiato, and know that every one dollar I spend could pay for a day lesson for a teacher in Pakistan and Afghanistan.

The flight was about to land in Hong Kong. I was just finished reading the part where Mortensen tells about Korphe’s first school inauguration, which deeply moved me into tears. Putting back the book in my backpack and trying to reach my passport and boarding pass for the next flight, I saw the lady sitting next to me dropped her passport on the floor. I bent, picked it up and figured out that it was Pakistan Passport.

It used to be...

2008-06-11T06:19:00.000-07:00

I was laying my back on my dad car's trunk, which was parked outside of my house because my uncle used the garage for his car, looking at stars dotting the sky and wondering what my friends were doing at that time. New friends. It was new semester. Second semester of my life in INTEC.

His name appeared on my cellphone and it kinda surprised me.
"Ha, pehal?" I was wondering if something bad happened to him.
"Tak de pape. Aku tengah tunggu train dekat sentral nih. Saje je call ko."
We had quite a long talk. It was awkward for me but,
That WAS the moment, I knew that I could have opportunities of spending good time with him.

But, I took it for granted.

Threat

2008-05-28T22:07:00.000-07:00

It's the same feeling that I had years ago when I was about to be on flight. The feeling that I didn't wanna leave Malaysia (spoiling my appetite, refusing to eat all-time-craved food, soto at KLIA), and wanna come here. Now, it's on the other way around.

In theater restroom, while shooting "the target" inside the urinal, after seeing awesome-lishly crafted Ironman, Justin and I were talking about my itineraries going back to Malaysia.
He goes, "Wait, you're coming back. Aren't you?"
Pulling my zip up and walking towards the water tap, I said "Should I?"
Zipping while pacing, he came to the water tap next to mine, washed his hands and looked at the mirror, "You'd better come back. Otherwise, I will go to Malaysia and bring you ass back here".

Does the "threat" sound "consternating" that "collaborates" with the feeling I have now?

I'm your stranger. Jump!

2008-05-26T12:56:00.000-07:00

In one of her entries, Meena is talking about people's believability of Meredith Grey, character in Grey's anatomy. It makes me want to differentiate between charisma, directors' needs, a character an actor SHOULD portray, or something emerges from an actor's heart.

Now, I can partially differentiate it when, today, I saw Larry (Clive Owen) uttered this line:

"Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they're depressed. If they were happy they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live. Which can be depressing. "

Do see the film first, then you should understand.

Gone

2008-05-18T21:10:00.000-07:00

It was one of those days that I woke up opening eyes gazing for half an hour at the paddled-woods bolstering Paan's weight on top of the mattress, touching belly and felt like the fat needed to get rid off by the evening, moving limbs all over the bed to colder parts, reaching cellphone and found out the person texted me last night after I fell asleep.

But, today is different. They're gone. Yes, they're gone since yesterday, after years we've been together, I presumed. Subuh's azan from my computer pierced into my ears through How Jian's wireless headphone, the coolest ever gadget I've ever used, considering the fact I'm not really electronic gadget maniac, which I didn't realize that I've been using to listen to Atonement's OST repeatedly last night. I grabbed Raisin Bran box from the top shelve. Their cereals, Apple Express and Corn Flakes sitting next to mine. Standing next to the counter and eating my cereal, I stared at the couch without him on it. It's now a different person. It gave me a different kind of breakfast. I opened up the shelve back and shook their cereals and figured out there were not much of them anymore. Yes, they're good planner. The night before my 7-day backpacking trip to Georgia, I bought half a gallon milk not realizing that I was not able to finish them before the trip and neither did they. Yes, I am not a good planner.

Although it's mid-May, the temperature still made me turning shower's hot water on. The conversation we had during our first winter popped in my mind when we talked about how we were gonna make sure our skins dry over the winter. He said don't turn on the water too hot, even though it's pleasing, always make it just warm. Hot water could make skins dry. I buy it. I believe in him all the time. Never doubt his arguments. Not even once.

It was not just the warm water from the shower running on my body. It was also tears. Yes, I was weeping unsoundly. I've crossed the line and walked very far away from them. Just after that I realized. After they're gone. This is not the first time that I strayed away from the path. This is the first time that I've gone too far until they left me. Now, they're gone.

One Love Undivided

2008-05-16T06:10:00.000-07:00

Malaysian Artistes for Unity - Here In My Home.
Directed by Yasmin Ahmad & Ho Yuhang

Untitled

2008-05-15T06:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I chatted with Hisyam, after almost a year not talking with him. It has come to my realization on how far I've gone away from the actual path in my life. Sometimes, I am aware of all the risks and returns for every decision I make. It's not the 'life market' that tears off most of my investment, but my attitude towards my investment is directed to the farthest point away from fundamental or technical analysis of investment.

I found this 'tips' in my fellow's blog, which I found perfectly suited my process of reconciliation:

Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate antidepressant.
Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'
Live with the 3 E's — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
Play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.
Make time to practice meditation, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
Dream more while you are awake.
Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
Try to make at least three people smile each day.
Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, OR issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
Smile and laugh more. It will keep the nagative blues away.
Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
Forgive everyone for everything.
What other people think of you is none of your business.
Remember God heals everything.
However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
The best is yet to come.
No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
Do the right thing!
Call your family often.
Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for_______. Today I accomplished ____.
Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can't change

Dee De Gedee Dang

2008-05-13T05:43:00.001-07:00

This could be considered as a late post. It has been almost a week since I got back from the Red and I'm missing it sooooooooooooo much! My one week trip there was AMAZING. Now, I've mastered all the stuff essentials in rock climbing especially, sport climbing, and my climbing technique has improved a lot from 6 days of climbing. Except that I'm still afraid of height! For me, the rate of a route will increase if the height is taller than 5o feet. I know! That's lame! I can't help it.

Bling Bling Quickdraws!

I'm back to the Red!!

2008-05-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

Just a short post.
I'm leaving to The Red River Gorge KY for 5 days climbing trip. I will be back next Thursday before Zes and Azreen's commencement.
Sorry Azreen and Zes, I can't attend the graduation dinner tonite! I'm leaving in less than 1 hr. It has been a very hectic semester that made me missed 3 or 4 climbing trip to the Red. And I dont wanna miss this one.
This is Joerg on 5.9 (his warm up route) at the Red couple months ago. He and another German dude, Olliver, are leaving Purdue for good this semester. Both of them taught me different techniques of climbing. I'm gonna miss them a lot!

See you guys in 5 days!

Huh! it's "Once"!!!

2008-04-21T05:51:00.000-07:00

OMG! I am so proud with all the selection of films I chose in recent years to watch. Bunch of thanks to Rottentomatoes for giving me perfect guidance in choosing what are the best and what are not. Yesterday before going to Slayter Hill for Jazz on the Hill, I had the opportunity to see "Once", which one of the movies I've downloaded months ago, but still haven't had time to watch.

Here's the official website for the film.

Again, like "Into The Wild", I fall in love with Once's soundtrack, "Falling Slowly", prior to watching the film. Couple months later, when I heard "Guaranteed" was not nominated for Best Original Song, I was surprised learning that this was the only time when a song won in Golden Globe was not nominated in Academy and "Falling Slowly" was nominated and won the award that night. Right after that, I straight away consulted "Rottentomatoes" about "Once" and figured out that it gained 97% Fresh Rottentomatoes on Tomatometer, which is very not rare for such indie film.

'Once' has topped my favorite films of all time. It is one of those films that doesn't need powerful compelling plots to received stand-up critics . The idea of keeping it small gives me perfect guidance to tell stories from the most creative, yet truthful, perspective. Neither Hansard nor Irglova is a well-trained actor, but both of them show the charisma essentials in the art of acting.

Some critics labeled 'Once' as a musical film. Stagey set, glittery costumes, impromptu warbling and absolute fakeness, are the stuff to expect when you want to see musical films, like 'Dreamgirls', 'Chicago', 'Moulin Rouge', 'Enchanted' etc. But, 'Once' gives you a new perspective of making a musical films along with less budget.

When you see a musical film, have you ever felt that some songs come out in inappropriate parts? I have, and ALWAYS being annoyed by that. However, songs in 'Once' are rendered beautifully at the most relevant part in the film that you can think of.

Here's the tracklist for the film:

1. Falling Slowly
2. If You Want Me
3. Broken Hearted Hoover Fixer Sucker Guy
4. When Your Minds Made Up
5. Lies
6. Gold
7. The Hill
8. Fallen Form The Sky
9. Leave
10. Trying to Pull Myself Away
11. All the Way Down
12. Once
13. Say It to Me Now

'Say it to me now' is my favorite!

'Once' is a wistful modern romance that incorporates organic and beautiful music together with honest performance by the actors.

Another Tagged post..

2008-04-09T15:29:00.000-07:00

8 things I am passionate about:

My love to God.
Outdoor (esp CLIMBING)
Purdue Outing Club & Hiking and Camping Club
Poetry.
Being sentimental. (really really need to be emphasized! LOL)
Gorgeous friends around me
Damien Rice.
.

8 things I say too often:

well...
sweet!
*speechless, thinking of the word to say, while snapping my fingers*
oh yeah!
that is so....
douche
that's because the initial format of the file was .ppt but your instructor changed to .pdf, so there's an error when you print them out. I can refund it back if you want.
do you love it? do you love it love it?

8 books I’ve read recently:

Fences (play)
Marat/Sade (play)
Into the wild
The World is flat
The Red River Gorge: A Rock Climbing Guide Book. 2007 2nd E. Ellington
...
..
.

8 things to do before I die:

Explore "myself" as deep as I could
Saudi Arabia, India, China, Turkey and Alaska.
Let the people I love know how much I love them.
Climbing 5.13 routes
Playing Hinata Rhapsody #1 Opus 38 for the last time
direct a play
Come back to US and have my last Summer and Fall.
getting my own motor scooter!

8 songs I could listen to over and over again:

Hinata Rhapsody #1 Opus 38
The Blowers Daughter - Damien Rice
Amie - Damien Rice
Farewell - Dario Marianelli
Wings - Gustavo Santaolalla
Guaranteed - Eddie Veddie
We belong together - Mariah Carey
The Crane wife - the decemberists

8 things I learned last year:

Climbing is wonderful
There are so much things I still need to learn. 20 yrs old? Not enough experience.
What goes around comes back around!
EVERYBODY is special
I am too sentimental
I didn't know that I am a health freak until Laurie and Mark pointed it out!
How to differentiate kinds of hot drinks like latte, cappuccino, macchiato, espresso, mocha, americano, coffee etc!
living here, in United States, is not easy. No limit of knowledge and experiences, but they all need trade offs!

8 people to tag:

Azwan a.k.a. Kocek (oit! update blog!)
Faiz a.k.a. dwellsinnothingness???
Farah (Freshman cute dongengnya)
Timz a.k.a. gamat
Sureen a.k.a. katod
...
..
.

Spring Break: Appalachian Trail - North Georgia (Pt. 2)

2008-03-28T11:33:00.001-07:00

We finally got to Unicoi Gap, paved GA Hwy 75, and we camped next to the parking lot a lil bit into the wood. Practically, we're not allowed to camp anywhere 100 yd near to road or trail, but, since, it was 11 at night, we had no choice. It was a freezing night, which I almost got frostbite! Yes! Frostbite! I had all frostbite's symptoms, but, luckily, Laurie was quick helping me warming up my hands and feet.

The coldness of that shitty night was paid off the next morning when there was a lady approaching our tents, who we thought was a ranger to arrest us for illegal camping, offering us free breakfast they've prepared in that morning. We had hot coffee and warm burritos, which were totally delicious!! On our way to get ourselves shuttled by a local to Springer Mt, Laurie said, according to a book she's reading about AT, those ladies are the backpackers called "Appalachian Angels" among backpackers. They do sectional hiking and give breakfast, or lunch to AT backpackers.
Above is the place where we met locals who shuttled us to Springer Mt, the starting of the whole Appalachian Trail.
On top of Springer Mt. Ready to start!! (Endo said something about Zach's Gandalf Stick)

*I would rather not to write anything about the whole 6 days of hiking. It's not that I'm lazy to type and don't want to share it. It's something that is better to keep it as a memory and stays in my mind. And I always believe that not everything can be expressed in words. Thus, I'm posting couple of pictures taken over the 6-day of hiking*

Spring Break: Appalachian Trail - North Georgia (Pt. 1)

2008-03-22T06:25:00.000-07:00

"I started the trip not knowing anyone, but by the end we were all really close."
-Dan Heacock (Friend of mine)

This is my first backpacking trip in United States after 2+ years of not doing it. Although I have been to the Red, KY couple of times which tent needed to be pitched, this trip is considered as the REAL backpacking and camping trip. It was going to be 6 days of backpacking on 54.2 miles (approx 80+ km) trailS, 1 day of touring and 1 day of partying!! There are 9 of us in this trip:

Laurie Duncan (Backpacking Consultant)
Mark Endo (5.11+ Climber)
Dan Heacock (inactive member)
Rebbecca Lindberg (Aussie backpacker)
Erin Goheen (acquaintance of Mark)
Brian Hunter (inactive member)
Ryan Trevithick (Backpacker + Caver)
Zach Seaton (best friend of Ryan)
Myself

As quoted from Dan (Tripod), we started this trip by not knowing anyone except that I know a lil bit about Laurie and Mark before the trip. We gathered behind COREC around 9am in freaking freezing f**king cold Indiana's usual unusual weather and it was claimed by Laurie that I had the biggest backpack, but biggest doesn't mean heaviest. (Somebody's backpack was heavier than mine. I'll prove it later!). We left West Lala-land approximately 1030am in 1 truck with 5 peeps (Dan, Ryan, Zach, Beck and Brian - hula hoop team) and 1 car with 4 peeps(Me, Mark, Laurie and Erin - dee de gedee team).

It was 9+ hrs driving to Helen, GA, which passed trough Kentucky, Tennessee and North Carolina. Highlights for the driving trip:

I had my 1st waffle at Waffle House, which according to Laurie, is the best waffle in South and it is everywhere in South.
We had an accident somewhere passed Louisville. Laurie was driving the car after Mark said he needed a nap. When, we were talking about one of my metal sickness, there was a trailer passed by, and muddled up the snow straight to our car's front window. Snow covered the whole window and Laurie panicked and started cursing. She lost her control because the wiper couldn't get rid the snow as quick as it should to make it clear for Laurie to see the road. The car slid all the way to the left of the road and hit the divider hard! We got out of the car, tried to push the car, but it didn't work. Because all the tires were covered by snow and we didn't have good grips. About 5 mins later, there's a couple of moms stopped and gave us a shovel to clear up the snow a bit. Finally, we got out from the snow. After like 3 miles of silence, in the car, Laurie goes "I think they are lesbians". We were laughing out loud!
The last night before our trip on the trail, we had our dinner at Ribs in South Carolina. I had the most amazing grilled salmon ever with country gravy and baked potatoes. Surprisingly, that full plate of salmon only costs me 5 bucks. We had a wonderful feast before, nights of Asian food in the woods. Here's our 1st group pic in front of the restaurant.

Spring Break - Sneak peek

2008-02-27T04:33:00.001-08:00

"Georgia
the whole day through.
Just an old sweet song

keeps Georgia on my mind.
Talkin' 'bout Georgia
I'm in Georgia.

A song of you
comes as sweet and clear
as moon light through the pines.

Other arms reach out to me.
Other eyes smile tenderly.
Still in peaceful dreams I see
the road leads back to you. "

So, basically, this is my plan for this long-waited-to-come Spring Break. Purdue Outing Club, backpacking division, will be having a trip to Appalachian Trail, North of Georgia. I told Laurie, Backpaking Consultant,not to tell any climbers about my participation in this trip. Randy has been asking me to join Climbers to have a blast at the Red Rock, Utah. And Laurie goes, "They will know about it eventually." and I go, "Nope, until we're back from the trip!" It's gonna be 6-day trip and there won't be too many participants, which sounds good, for those who know how better it is to have few people to do hiking and backpacking in such period.

Georgia!!

Happiness is only real when Shared - Christopher Johnson McCandless

2008-02-22T20:08:00.000-08:00

I "met" Sean Penn at The Red Thin Line. After watching his majestic performance as 1st Sgt. Welsh, I began to follow up his "presentation" in film industry. He's one of those great film artists, who started as raw genuine actors, use all the opportunities given and then continue to express the combination of meticulous scrutinizer sensibility and sincerity in arts, into film. Sean Penn's adaptation of Into The Wild has become one of my favorite films.

Information about the film can be read here.
Besides the desire to see Sean Penn's oeuvre, there are couples reasons that made me chose this film to fill up my hours on this Friday's night. Firstly, I'm a big fan of Eddie Vedder (really turning into Country's fan!). His single Guaranteed as the film's OST has grabbed couples of prestigious awards, including Best Original Song at Golden Globes recently. Secondly, Into The Wild is well-known with a lot of powerful and beautiful wise quotes. As far as i can see, more than 75% of the lines in the film touch me deeply and really really make me think especially the final chapter (you'll know bout chapter if you see the film), when Alex/Chris meets Ron (stunningly acted by Hal Holbrook).

On top of all the reasons above, I actually want to see Into The Wild because, seriously, there was one point in my life, it came across my mind to do exactly the same thing as Chris does. Go into the wild. Partially because I love wilderness. And there is a line that could be drawn to differentiate two audience's perceptions about the movie;

This guy is crazy by going TOO FAR away as a response of vengeance.
or He's doing the thing that he wants to do. He has all rights for his decisions.

This is the picture of himself taken by the real Christopher Johnson McCandless or Alex Supertramp, which sums up the film very well.

Watch the movie and read this trivia.
This is a movie that worth seeing.

Yes, that's him

2008-02-03T19:49:00.000-08:00

When his single The Blowers Daughter hit my ears at the end of movie Closer, the melancholic feeling I had about the movie was relieved delicately. And it was not my habit to read credits at the end of movies until I heard this song in Closer. After acknowledging that Closer is his single, it didn't come to my surprise that Cold Water rendered in the middle of the movie is also his song.

I don't wanna post an entry about Damien Rice's biography. All I want to say is how this brilliant and exuberant singer (from my paucity of art sensibility) inveigles my quest of searching the art

side inside of me. Being sentimental (yes! I admit it Gamat!), I don't care whatever people would say about my choice of music. It doesn't mean that I hate those people who favor music genres that are not in my list. Too ballad? Yes, that's how I explore myself. And thank you to Damien Rice for enlightening my exploration.

Critics claim that Damien's music is too depressing and melancholic, which could bring down listeners' emotion. Damien, himself, admitted in Live at Fingerprints: Warts and All (before performing Grey Room)that he wrote all the songs in his new album, with the state of being down or depressing, that eventually let him out from being too much out of control. That's Damien's trademark. If I would listen to him in different subject and same angle of music, he would not be in my 'A' list singer. These are the traits shared by arts (in whatever kind of performances - poetry, novel, painting, sculpture, architecture, music, dance, theatre, etc):-

- Art is artificial, that is, art is made rather than natural (hard to embrace at the 1st time, but ponder for while, that's true)
- Art exists for itself, not needing practical use in real life
- Art is self-aware
- Art produces a certain kind of response - an aesthetics response- in the audience.

Damien's music taught me the last trait
- Art produces a certain kind of response - an aesthetics response- in the audience. Again, the exact meaning of aesthetic response has been debated endlessly, but I have to agree that it includes an appreciation of beauty and some understanding that goes beyond the merely intellectual or the merely entertaining. Just peruse for a while these extracts from lyrics wrote by him, and guess what, they are so much more beautiful with witty and eccentric music arrangement;

" And so it is

Just like you said it should be

We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial"

-The Blowers Daughter

"Nothing unusual, nothing strange
Close to nothing at all
The same old scenario, the same old rain
And there's no explosions here
Then something unusual, something strange
Comes from nothing at all
I saw a spaceship fly by your window
Did you see it disappear?"

- Amie

" What am I darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?

A piece of your cake?

What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?"

- Cheers Darlin'

" And when you think you've sinned
Do you fall upon your knees?
And do you sit within your picture?
Do you still forget the breeze?"

- Elephant

" Have I still got you to be my open door
Have I still got you to be my sandy shore
Have I still got you to cross my bridge in this storm
Have I still got you to keep me warm"

- Grey Room

" And we use cushions to cover
Happy glands
In the mild issue of our disgrace

Our minds pressed and guarded

While our flesh disregarded
The lack of space for the light-hearted
In the boom that beats our drum"

- Accidental Babies

These are are few songs that left me breathless, the first time I listened to. They NEVER put me into a depressing mode, instead shining the beauty of arts that I have in my mind.

Rest in Peace Ennis

2008-01-23T05:05:00.000-08:00

"Jack used to say, "Ennis Del Mar," he used to say; "I'm gonna bring him up here one of these days, and
we'll lick this damn ranch into shape. Had some half-
baked notion the two of you was gonna move up here.
Build a cabin, help run the place." " -John Twist-

He lets Jack leaves him, but he never knew that we never wanted to let him go...

Gratitude to Joe Wright and McEwan

2008-01-22T14:35:00.000-08:00

" Dearest Cecilia, the story can resume. The one I had been planning on that evening walk. I can become again the man who once crossed the surrey park at dusk, in my best suit, swaggering on the promise of life. The man who, with the clarity of passion, made love to you in the library. The story can resume. I will return. Find you, love you, marry you and live without shame."

-Robbie Turner-

That's how a tragic romance should do.

Un Coeur Invaincu

2007-11-16T20:42:00.000-08:00

A mighty Heart (Un Coeur Invaincu - 2007)

I knew it, when the trailer was released, that this is something that's gonna move me deeply. However, bombarded by loads of homeworks, exams, and social activities (new interest!), it slipped through my mind to put this Michael Winterbottom's masterpiece in my have-to-be-seen-films list. Until yesterday, when I chatted with a Pakistani brother on how enthralled I am to climb either at Pakistan or India, he said, "You know right, what's going on between India and Pakistan?" The question straight away reminded me about the "Truly Moving Award" winner (awarded by Heartland Film Festival in 2007 together with another stunningly narrated film, Freedom Writer) with brilliantly tucked-in performance by Angelina Jolie and distinguished cast by Dan Futterman, Will Paton, Archie Panjabi and Irfan Khan (Ashoke Ganguli in The Namesake!), A mighty Heart. It didn't take me long to put this film in my hectic schedule, which was right after Purdue Climbers' weekly film, King Lines.

While watching a film, it is my habit to partition a film into at least two parts, so I can take a rest for while in between (applied only on downloaded films!) But this year, other than The Namesakes, this film also has pulled all of my body and attention from the beginning till the end.

Critics have been argued about A Mighty Heart's lack of novelty; how cliche the themes are, how dull the plots are and how poor the screenplay is. As from my perspective as an audience, who is the target of the filmmaker, I believe I've grabbed the film's MAIN contention. A Mighty Heart is not about retelling story about an American journalist, Daniel Pearl, who was kidnapped and brutally murdered in Karachi Pakistan (one point off from the critics!). It is a story about Marianne Pearl's sagacious heart in facing this obstacle, and most importantly is the message of love. Then, I move to the next part, which is the film's other contentions which I guess the idea of cross-cultural understanding through journalism, music and dialog. It specifically can be observed at the character of the little child, Asra, Marianne herself and Daniel. After that, only I look at the actors and actresses, whom I believe support the film's contentions very well.

The lesson I've learned from this outstanding film is that I really don't have to look at a film's cast to judge the film (of course after millions of films out there I should be selective a bit, so I won't waste my time), I just need to be clear of whatever the filmmaker wants to tell me, only then I move to other aspects!

Finally!

2007-11-06T17:10:00.000-08:00

Barefoot In The Park - Neil Simon
Click here for the play.

This is gonna be my very last assignment and my very first play!
I'm working on memorizing the lines and choosing my own props which usually not done by actors themselves! Owh ya! I'm gonna be 'Paul'!

Reconciliation

2007-11-04T18:39:00.000-08:00

It has been almost 2 yrs since I got to this Opportunity Land. It comes to my consciousness that by this time, this moment or this seconds, I should have known where I'm sailing to. It says on the card given by Ady before I left Malaysia that People with goals succeed because they know where they are going, firmly stick to my creatively adorn board (love it!). I'm still here wavering myself on the hastily baseless decision I've made. But, should I regret it?

I don't know any of my six-degree-separations fellow whose life has not influenced by what he has done in the past. We, personally, me, apply all the experiences heavily from the angst and joy in our past to steadily or jerkily pace on the paths we're now on. I thought I have strip-mined huge parts of my wicked childhood and teenage life in Changlun throughout Shah Alam to fuel my collisions of cultures and human beings that fill up my chest to being able to breathe easily on my path.

But now, I'm exhausted. Am I trying too hard for this? Or I haven't tried it as hard as I could? I've been twisting and turning in the space that too small. That directs my limbs to grab ALL kind of joys which could flatter up myself.

If you can't fix it, Jack, you gotta stand it -Ennis Del Mar

The List

2007-10-25T07:28:00.000-07:00

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head
Enough Is Enough (No More Tears)
Make Me Lose Control
Deny, Deny, Deny
Bring The Pain
Into You Like A Train
Something to Talk About
Let It Be
Thanks for the Memories
Much Too Much
Owner of a Lonely Heart
Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
Straight to the Heart
Begin the Begin
Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
Break on Through
It's the End of the World (Part I)
(As We Know It) (Part II)
Yesterday
What Have I Done To Deserve This?
Band Aid Covers the Bullet Hole
Superstition
Under Pressure
The Name of the Game
Blues for Sister Someone
Damage Case
17 Seconds
Deterioration of the Fight or Flight Response
Losing My Religion

THTR133

2007-10-04T08:47:00.000-07:00

Janelle as Dorie - Hanif as John

(He holds out his hand to shake hers and she does, she briefly looks down and regrabs the bar)

DORIE: Oh.

JOHN: Just look up. Look up. (She Does) Better?

DORIE: Yes. (pause) I'm sorry about smoking.

JOHN: No. I was planning on giving it up...sometime...sooner or later. Maybe. (Longingly) Nasty habit

DORIE: But I bet your wife will be happy.

JOHN: I'm not married.

DORIE: (Surprised) No?

JOHN: You?

DORIE: (embarrassed) Me?! No! No...But...you?...I assumed...

JOHN: No, divorced. Traveling salesman...only she couldn't take the traveling so she moved
on.

DORIE: I'm sorry.

JOHN: (covering) Yeah, well, you get used to being alone. You get over it. You adjust.

DORIE: Isn't that the truth? Why, I don't even mind eating by myself anymore. Not as long as I have something to read. Newspaper, magazine, those little bitty sugar packets they set at the table, the ones with the....

(Suddenly, he leans over and kisses her on the cheek.)

DORIE: What did you do that for?

JOHN: I don't know...I thought if I kissed you, you'd stop talking for a minute.

DORIE: Oh.

(She looks at him. He leans over and kisses her on the lips.)

DORIE: I wasn't talking.

JOHN: No. My lips, I had to do somethingwith my lips.

DORIE: So, you didn't mean anything personal by it. It was just, sort of, reflex reaction.

JOHN: No. It wasn't totally reflex. I enjoyed it.

DORIE: You did? Oh..ah..(nervous/flustered/ she starts talking again) Did I tell you I have an aunt who lives in Dublin, GA., semi-related to Kim Basinger, You remember the movie The Natural...

(He leans over and kisses her again, on the lips)

DORIE: Lips itching for another cigarette?

JOHN: No. Partially.

DORIE: But not wholly?

JOHN: I wanted to see if I enjoyed it as much the second time as I did the first.

DORIE: Did you?

(Their lips almost touching when...suddenly they both jerk back in their seats.)

DORIE: What was that?!

JOHN: Looks like we're moving.

(Dorie looks down, grabs bar and shuts her eyes)

JOHN: Won't be long now. (looking)

DORIE: You don't think we'll go around again?

JOHN: No.

(They jerk in their seats)

JOHN: This is us.

(They both raise their arms up and let fo of the "bar")

DORIE: Yes.

(She then suddenly embarrased jumps out, extends her hand in the formal good-bye)

DORIE: It...it..has been a pleasure.

(He takes her hand)

DORIE: (newly flustered) Yes, Well...you better get going...and have that cigarette, I wouldn't want you to get in any trouble kissing every girl in the park just so you can make it through the day without smoking...I better get going.

(Shel lets go of his hand and starts to walk away, He hollers out to her)

JOHN: Dorie, you coming back next year?

DORIE: It is a tradition.

(She exits. He looks after her, smiles but doesn't follow. He takes out a cigarette, puts in his mouth, yhinks better of it, puts the cigarette back in his pocket and exits.)

This is my second open scripted scene. Being an actor in this scene is hard, but James Dean once said "Being a good actor isn't easy. Being a man is even harder. I want to be both before I'm done."

I remember

2007-09-02T14:23:00.000-07:00

Sejiwa

Pada irama ku berpesan
Lagu ini ditujukan
Padanya yang Tersayang

Kasihku kau pernah dipersia
Lalu kubawa cintaku
Sebagai penawarnya
Biar lukamu masih terasa

Sesaat engkau tidak ku temu
Bulan seakan pilu
Tiada dapat beradu

Begitu jika engkau membisu
Badai jauh dilautan
Tiada ketepian
Sebegitu cintaku padamu

Usahlah cinta dibawa bersama
Ditenggelami mentari di timur
Gelap gelita tiada bercahaya
Ku tiada berdaya

Inginku selalu di sampingmu
Tiap waktu siang melambai malam
Bagaikan senja denyutan cinta kita
Penyambung hadirnya

Akan ku bina istana bahagia
Menjadi lambang kasih berpanjangan
Hentikan airmata pedih kenangan
Yang mencakar perasaan
Mekarlah bunga cinta
Seharum wangi kemboja
Mekarlah bunga cinta
Di taman kita sejiwa

Huh! That's the most sentimental 80's ballad lyrics I've ever read (jiwang seyh!!!). Well, that's not the point of my posting this time.
Early this morning, I gave up trying to sleep after having a bad cough for 3 hours non-stop. I got off of my bed, grabbed my new-bought coffee-maker kettle and poured down the hazelnut coffee. That's exactly when the melody of the song above came across my mind. And it never get out of my mind until now. Until, I tried hard to open up everything, and found the lyrics in the Net.

All I could remember that time was the melody. The melody I heard almost everyday 10 years ago from a man and I wish it would never come back again. However, the melancholy of my feelings toward to the song failed to shun other memories associated from flowing into my head.

I do remember the way he sits on the chair,
his dysphoric emotions carried with the song,
his well-defined body moved along,
the never-stared-at-all notes.

I do remember the way his fingers dancing on the piano's keyboard,
his feet lilting on the pedals,
and his voice hitting the notes.

I don't remember how his face looks like,
I don't remember his name,
I don't remember where it was,
I don't remember where I was, looking at him singing and playing the song,
I don't remember why I was there.

I do remember him as he introduced me to the world of love, humanity.

"The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along." – Jelaluddin Rumi

Thank you to Jelaluddin Rumi for conveying his legacy of the beauty in humanity that ties together my memories with the person above and my trepidation of unveiling my emotions towards arts.

Kena Tag lagi...."Five Things"

2007-08-26T20:10:00.000-07:00

I've been tag by Azwan for "Five Things..."

lima benda dalam bag saya:

1)Couple of pens, which I took everytime I went to PEFCU bank for free and Bic pencils.
2)Missouri, New York, Indiana and Rhode Island quaters.
3)The Purification of The Heart by Hamza Yusuf and The Namesake.
4)A clipper <-- dun remember when did I put it there..
5)Purdue Planner.

lima benda dalam dompet saya:

1)Bank, credit, Insurance, Identification, Starbucks, Purdue ID cards!
2)A sticker-picture of me, Addin, and Saini.
3)Some business cards.
4)couple of receipts which might be useful for a game like I played during 2005 HACC annual Dinner!
5)1 ringgit bill.

lima benda faveret dalam bilik saya:
1) my shirts in my closet.
2) my creatively adorned board.
3) my double-decker bed.
4) a huge Malaysia's flag hung on the wall.
5) a 1.5 meter mr Froggy!

lima perkara yang saya nak lakukan:
1) Producing and directing a film.
2) Traveling to India.
3) Playing Hinata Rhapsody #1. Opus 38 to the one I love.
4) Meeting in personal with Damien Rice.
5) Writing a poem to the one I love.

lima perkara yang sedang dilakukan:

1) Writing this post.
2) Thinking of when I should study for theater's quiz tommorow.
3) Listening to 'Lelaki Ini' by Anuar Zain.
4) Wondering if I should make a cup of 3 in 1 nescafe given by Nabilah or not.
5) Browsing for materials for the next posts!

Eros

2007-08-12T08:05:00.000-07:00

A Farewell

Flow down, cold rivulet, to the sea,

Thy tribute wave deliver:

No more by thee my steps shall be,

For ever and for ever.

Flow, softly flow, by lawn and lea,

A rivulet then a river:

No where by thee my steps shall be,

For ever and for ever.

But here will sigh thine alder tree,

And here thine aspen shiver;

And here by thee will hum the bee,

For ever and for ever.

A thousand suns will stream on thee,

A thousand moons will quiver;

But not by thee my steps shall be,

For ever and for ever.

by Alfred Lord Tennyson

I've been tagged by Gamat!

2007-08-01T19:40:00.000-07:00

8 random things bout me:

a) I'm sentimental which sometimes reach to the point of blissing out!
b) Keep lots of big secrets!
3) Pay attention to inconsequential details, but they are unique observations though!
4) Love to play with words!
e) From the outside may look blithesomeness, but always carrying huge responsibilities. Just don't want to bother anybody.
6) Loud in every sense!
g) I have 2 dads, 3moms, and 15 siblings!! Proud of it!
h) I wanna be a film director!!!!

Enticing Lines & Stunning Acts

2007-07-22T06:47:00.000-07:00

Below is Burke's vow for his wedding with Christina during season finale of Grey's Anatomy, Didn't we almost have it all?. The vow was delivered in a surgery room, right in front of Addison, Izzy and nurses, prior to his wedding.

“Christina, I could promise to hold you and to cherish you.
I could promise to be there in sickness and in health.
I could say ’till death do us part.
But I won’t.
Those vows are for optimistic couples.
The ones full of hope.
And I do not stand here, on my wedding day, optimistic or full of hope.
I am not optimistic, I am not hopeful.
I am sure, I am steady, and I know.
I am a heart man: I take them apart, I put them back together.
I hold them in my hands.
I am a heart man.
So this, I am sure.
You are my partner, my lover, my very best friend.
My heart, my heart, beats for you.
And on this day, the day of my wedding,
I promise you this:
I promise you to lay my heart in the palm of your hand.
I promise you ME.”

And Addison said,
"“Well, I think I speak for every woman in this room when I say: dump her, dump Yang, and marry me”.

This is an enchanting jaw between Maximilian and Horst during 3-minute recess in Detention Camp, in Bent (1997). They are standing next to each other and they are not allowed to move or even touch each other, in a freezing Winter, when Horst is having a bad cough.

"I want to make you happy," Max
"Then be gentle with me," Horst

"I don't know how," Max
"Just hold me," Horst

"I'm afraid to hold you," Max
"Don't be," Horst

"I'm afraid. I'm gonna drown," Max
"Hold me, please. Hold me," Horst

"Ok.." Max

"I'm holding you," Max
"Are you?" Horst

"You're here in my arms. I promise
I promise. I'm holding you. You're here," Max
"Touch me. Are you?" Horst

"Yes. Touching," Max
"Gently," Horst

"Touching...Softly," Max
"Warm me,"Horst

"Softly." Max
"Warm me gently." Horst

"Softly. I'm touching you softly.
Gently. You're safe.
I'll keep you safe and warm.
You're with me now
You'll never be cold again.
I'm holding you now.. safe...and warm.
As long as you're here, as long as you're with me, as long as I'm holding you.
You're safe!" Max

These two excerpts are taken from two different mediums of story-telling. One from the sexy-medical drama series, Grey's Anatomy, and another from a critically acclaimed film, starring Clive Owen and Lothaire Bluteau, Bent.
The lines expressed by Preston Burke are eloquently written, that give profound susceptibility in deciphering Burke's boundless love to Cristina. It makes Isiaah Washington's (Preston Burke) job easier in the scene, because the lines itself stand splendidly.
It's not an easy job to both Clive Owen and Lothaire Bluteau to evoke the audiences' emotions to feeling the scene abysmally, with such simple lines. However, Owen and Bluteau's exceptional style in acting bolsters the lines and makes the scene as one of my favorite scenes in most of the films I have ever watched.
The excerpts give me a lesson about good films, dramas or plays. No matter how bad your storyline is, as long as you have blue-ribbon actors and emotionally effective scripts, your films, dramas, or plays, will be satisfying arts.

The Order of The Phoenix

2007-07-15T18:16:00.000-07:00

A year ago, I was sitting at the cafe in front of INTEC library with Syafrul, Addin and Saini, enjoying the Abg Indon's ambrosial nasi lemak, but it was ruffled by a conversation between 3 kakak TESL (no offense to any TESLan) who were sitting at the next table.

"You know what..on my way out of the theater, I'd really wanna tell those who were going into the theater, to stop, turn back, return the tickets and use that money to buy a BigMac! " One of the kakaks, wearing a black skirt, stripe black and white blouse plus a white scarf(By that kind of dressing it can be told that she was TESLan), emotionally expressed her feelings about a film she just watched.
"They shouldn't cut off that much from the book, two fabulous chapters of the book!" Another kakak heat up the confabulation to a degree that gave me a sign that they had just seen Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
Here came the third kakak, who surprisingly lowered the heat,
"I never read any Harry Potter's book. I walked in with nothing, and walked out with something. I'm happy with it because the film tells me Harry Potter story!"

Harry Potter and the Order of The Phoenix was released couple weeks ago and it was one of have-to-watch films in my list ("The Namesake" is the best so far!!). Addin, Saini, Alim and I went to Wabash Landing Theater 2 days after the premiere. I'm not into fantasy kind of films, but Harry Potter (and Transformers for this year) has drawn my attention into understanding the guile of fantasy film. Again, the Order of Phoenix didn't disappoint me like others. The Order of Phoenix is well-crafted as the characters evolves, the plots get more convoluted, secrets are unveiled, and definitely, the witchcraft world is being portrayed enthrallingly.

While walking back home with Addin, Saini and Alim,
Alim said "I'm not satisfied!! There should be a scene where Harry uses The Unforgivable Spell to torture Bellatrix Lestrange (Voldemort Death Eater, played by Helena Bonham). They should have that in the film!"

Here's another obiter dictum which has the same premise as the first two kakaks'. This time, I replied "I walked in the theater with nothing except everything I know from previous Harry Potter films, I walked out with something, and I'm happy with it! I don't feel I just wasted $8 because the film tells Harry Potter story!" I used the same premise as the third kakak TESL used. In contrast to the third Kakak TESL, I have read Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix before watching the film, but she never read The Goblet of Fire before watching it.

Nowadays, there's a lot of films made based on novels, short stories, and plays, which are known as adapted screenplay in film language. Some of them are fiascoes and most of them are completely stunning and in Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix, I, personally, put it as brilliantly adapted. The plot flows well as in the book, which means the film tells the story in the book. However, there are some details not included in the film such as the one Alim's complaining about. Can you imagine how hard it is to condense an 800-plus-page tome into restricted-less-than-3-hour film, especially by newcoming director David Yates and screenwriter Michael Goldenberg? Can you imagine how to squeeze everything into a script of 138-minutes film, to tell the tale well? Daniel Radcliffe once apologized for not including some parts of the book in the film, otherwise, the film will be too long. The production does not want to face the same failure as other lengthy-films.

There are millions of Harry Potter's fans who have enjoyed watching the series without having Rowling's works, the same is Lord of The Rings fans who have never read Tolkien's books, so, it is not necessarily a plus reading the books. Still, for the sake of understanding the movie in depth, the knowledge from the books come into its role.

Before sitting in the theater to watch any adapted screenplay films, which I have read the books prior to watch it, such as The Pursuit of Happyness and Harry Potter itself, I would clear all of my thoughts or expectation about the films. I believe that most of the audiences, who have read the books, struggles while watching the films. They try to compare what they have read and what they are watching, whether it is better or worst than the book, even a minuscule detail grabs their attention. In certain extent, they are not satisfied of whatever they have seen and begin to lose their attention. Consequently, they couldn't feel the sensational of the film.

Yasmin Ahmad in her 'notorious' blog, The Storyteller, once noted
"When reviewing a film, it's best to consider its main contention first"
And it came to my realization that the third kakak had a fine review of Harry Potter because it is rooted on its makers intentions, which is to tell Harry Potter tale!

Mesmerizing

2007-07-09T17:51:00.000-07:00

Sonnet 130

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;

Coral is far more red than her lips' red;

If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;

If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.

I have seen roses damasked, red and white,

But no such roses see I in her cheeks;

And in some perfumes is there more delight

Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.

I love to hear her speak, yet well I know

That music hath a far more pleasing sound;

I grant I never saw a goddess go;

My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.

  And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare

  As any she belied with false compare.

by William Shakespeare

"Aye my love!"

My "opportunity's" poem

2007-07-06T18:15:00.000-07:00

"Nothing Twice"
by Wislawa Symborska

Nothing can ever happen twice.
In consequence, the sorry fact is
that we arrive here improvised
and leave without chance to practice

Even if there is no one dumber,
if you're the planet's biggest dunce,
you can't repeat the class in summer:
this course is only offered once.

No day copies yesterday,
no two nights will teach what bliss is
in precisely the same way,
with exactly the same kisses.

One day, perhaps, some idle tongue
mentions your name by accident:
I feel as if a rose were flung
into the room, all hue and scent.

The next day, though you're here with me,
I can't help looking at the clock:
A rose? A rose? What could that be?
Is it a flower or a rock?

Why do we treat the fleeting day
with so much needless fear and sorrow?
It's in its nature not to stay:
Today is always gone tomorrow.

With smiles and kisses, we prefer
to seek accord beneath our star,
although we're different (we concur)
just as two drops of water are.

The nature of arts

2007-06-30T17:33:00.000-07:00

A great gratitude to Frida Vigdorova, a Soviet writer and journalist, for making a crucial effort by smuggling an eccentric excerpt. The famous excerpt was taken from Joseph Brodsky 'parasitism' trial transcript. Here's the excerpt:

Judge: And what is your profession, in general?; Brodsky: I am a poet and a literary translator.; Judge: Who recognizes you as a poet? Who enrolled you in the ranks of poets?; Brodsky: No one. Who enrolled me in the ranks of humankind?; Judge: Did you study this?; Brodsky: This?; Judge: How to become a poet. You did not even try to finish high school where they prepare, where they teach?; Brodsky: I didn’t think you could get this from school.; Judge: How then?; Brodsky: I think that it ... comes from God.
(The original transcript)

The legendary Joseph Brodsky (1940-1996) has introduced me to the pivotal aspect of writings, drawings, paintings, and poetry. The nature of arts comes from God. Often people say that they don't have any sense of arts inside. I believe they lose their bearings in realizing or searching for the correct direction. God always speaks to humans by giving different kind of signs thru everything around us, and it's our job to figure it out, take it, analyze it, and use it as efficient as we could. However, sometimes we are blinded by the things we choose as priorities, putting aside His rules and orders.

"Love heals" - Yasmin

2007-06-25T06:12:00.000-07:00

Journey of hope

With Sharifah Amani and a new batch of actors in tow, Yasmin Ahmad heads for Ipoh to shoot her fifth film, Muallaf.

It was the last day of production, and it was going to be a long day. But Yasmin Ahmad looked reasonably happy. The preceding 10 days had been a success as far as she was concerned. The film that she had been talking about for the past one year, Muallaf (The Convert), had finally become a reality. There we were in front of a pub in Ipoh at 2am, and despite the crew rushing to prepare for the scenes, the atmosphere was very relaxed.

It had rained all day just hours before, yet miraculously, the skies cleared just as shooting was about to begin.

The director approached her actors for last minute instructions while the imposing first assistant director Pete Abdullah, affectionately known as Uncle Pete, watched over everything with a keen eye for detail. Executive producer Rosnah Kassim was all smiles, and so was post-producer Elyna Shukri.

Later, before the second scene inside the pub, the sound guy rushed over to adjust the microphone, strung on actress Yeo Yann Yann’s chest.

“Aiyah, still want to adjust cleavage ah? No need lah!” Yasmin quipped.

Four films after she started out, nothing seems to have changed. A Yasmin Ahmad film shoot is still the craziest thing anyone could experience. Her MHz Film “family” remain a close-knit and jovial lot. Their pre-production preparations are almost legendary. Yasmin once told me: “I rehearse with my actors a lot. That’s why when I’m on set, I just lepak.”

And lepak she did. After a scene was shot, there would be either discussions with her assistant director or cinematographer Keong Low over the walkie-talkie, or just one line from her: “I’m happy with it if Keong’s happy with it.”

The one thing about Yasmin that many people know, but is rarely mentioned, is that she is a part-time filmmaker, but a full-time executive creative director with an advertising firm. She has to get official leave from work just to make her films. It is almost like a hobby. Ask her about it, and she will only say she feels extremely lucky to be able to do this and have so much creative freedom in the process, a luxury some full-time filmmakers can only dream of.

Yasmin Ahmad and Sharifah Amani. – Picture by LIM SOK LIN

Muallaf is her fifth film, and fourth theatrical feature (Rabun was a telemovie made for TV3). As with all her previous films, Yasmin entices us with clues and bits of the story but never the whole picture. We know that it’s about two sisters, Rohani and Rohana (played by real-life siblings Sharifah Amani and Sharifah Aleysha), who run away from an abusive father (Datuk Rahim Razali), and meet a Catholic teacher (Brian Yap). We know that it’s about childhood trauma, and hope and forgiveness. But where is the muallaf in all of this? Your guess is as good as mine.

It all might sound controversial, in light of some recent cases involving religious issues. But Yasmin assures viewers that Muallaf is far from controversial. In fact, three personnel from the religious department visited one of the locations at a church but found nothing amiss. Apparently, some people had complained about seeing a group of Muslim students near the church, and this had prompted the religious department to investigate. But Yasmin said they left after finding out that it was only a film shoot.

“It is not a religious story at all,” she said of Muallaf. “It’s about coping with a difficult past, how we all have crap in our lives. It’s about how different people cope with it differently. Some cope by being hateful and shutting themselves in. Some cope by forgiving, others by being brave. This is about how the brave help draw out those who shut themselves in and help them reconcile with their ghosts.”

The pub shoot ended at 6am, and after a few hours’ sleep, the crew was back at it again at 10am, this time at an unoccupied bungalow belonging to Tenaga Nasional Bhd. The occasion was the all-important and much-publicised shaving of Amani’s head. During the ride to the location, I asked Amani how she felt.

“Very nervous!” she said, and she looked so.

It was an extremely long wait for the crew to set up the scene, and an even longer wait for Amani’s hair to be shorn by a barber. No one was allowed upstairs where the shaving was done, but someone reported that she was laughing and crying at the same time. When the scene was finally shot, it was incredibly moving.

Without giving anything away, it is enough to say for now that when audiences finally see the two sisters praying side-by-side, there will be a truly memorable movie moment when Amani removes her telekung.

Amani was already wearing her hair short for the rest of the film, but now with her head completely bald, Yasmin thought she looked even more beautiful.

Asked how she felt putting her actress through such a difficult situation, Yasmin only replied: “She is like my own anak. It hurts me if it hurts her.”

In fact, Yasmin has worked with all of the Sharifah sisters by now, the last one being Aleysha. She admitted that she wrote the character of Rohana specifically with Aleysha in mind. She said all of the sisters are completely unselfconscious in front of the camera.

“I like (the sisters) because I know them and I know their parents,” said Yasmin. “If I have a problem with them, I scold them. And if they don’t respond, I SMS their parents, and their parents scold them! They call me ‘mak’.”

Earlier in the day, the crew shot a scene in the bungalow involving a real-life convert and his family. It was a short scene of them praying, which provides a clue as to what Yasmin is really trying to say with this latest film.

“I know so many muallaf who converted after falling in love with Muslim women,” she explained.

“Many of these muallaf I know who got into the religion because of love became really, really good Muslims. I think God pulls us towards Him whichever way He pleases, and it’s not for human beings to say what is the right way and what is not.”

-Full credit to ALLAN KOAY-

also available at The Star Online

AWOL: Absent Without Leave

2007-06-20T19:38:00.000-07:00

After the convocation, stepping out the hall, I saw the clouds, like steam from thermal adorned the Lafayette’s blue sky, indicating the end of Winter and the beginning of Spring. Stored in my “recently added” iPOD playlist, Damien Rice’s “Elephant” has been gone through my ears repeatedly since last week, a month after Elise introduced me “Closer” – a witty, romantic and very dangerous British love story emphasizing a nagging nuance of ‘Strangers’.

“Perfectly suited you,” the blue-eyes and blondy girl told me.

The blandiloquent song and the halcyon day has made me reminisced back my old years at my hometown, Changlun.

I took off my shoes and replaced it with my flip-flops because that was the perfect day to wear it since 4 months of wearing boots. Hours before, while walking out of Purdue Memorial Union’s South Ballroom, after the receptions and convocation for 2007 University Honors Convocation, Jacob complained about wearing formal attire during a 73-degree-Fahrenheit (about 22 degree Celsius) day.

“I knew, I shouldn’t have worn this so-called ‘business’ attire today”.

“Hey, it’s just Spring. It’ll be worst than this next two or three weeks”, like been there longer than him, I replied while taking off my blazer.

I have gone through something worst than that temperature, when I used to walked back home during my high-school-hood. But luckily, Apit asked me taking lift on his bike. We used to go for Al-Bukhary and Darul Bakti tuitions together. Because I have no guts to ride the bike, my school shirts were finely decorated by the bike's 'minyak hitam' coming from the exzos at the back. If I wasn't at the field training for never ending sports events thruout the year, in Pn. Basharah's room - the school's counselor, practicing and memorizing speeches for upcoming debates or public speaking competitions, or hanging out with Fakhrul in 'notorious' computer labs, my parents or close friends would find me with Apit, doing daffy stuffs.

Other than Apit, my life in SMK Changlun has been filling up with tons of noteworthy moments by a group of decent educators. Having all of these hellacious educators, was not only as the mediums to convey all the materials in the syllabus, but they give me life, like fathers or mothers raising up their son, friends hanging out or chatting about teenage stuffs, and the adults talking about the reality of life. These are the people who are responsible bolstering me to shine my lights for all to see.

The serene Pn. Basharah
The adroit Sir Zubir
The loquacious Pn. Aidah
The gorgeous Teacher Sharon
The emollient Pn. Aishah
The genius Mr. Ooi
The esoteric Pn. Fauziah
The beatific Pn. Roziah

When, I am asked by my colleagues, what it takes to become who I am today, a nobody to somebody who has a huge responsibility towards people around him, my answer is always the same. It is my experiences, either the fine ones or the awful ones contributed by the above amazing people, made me stand where I am now.

Vincent Van Gough once said,
"Great things are done by a series of small things brought together."

And here, Gogh's words precisely depict my journey. And today these people have brought me to the 2007 University Honors Convocation, and also everything is nothing without Him, the most gracious Giver to me.

Moments

2007-06-16T18:06:00.000-07:00

Today, I went to the Purdue HSSE (Humanities, Social Science & Education Library) borrowing Chris Gardner's famous oeuvre, The Pursuit of Happyness. The warmth of Summer, the fine of Daughtry's 'Home' thru my iPod, and the smell of fresh cut grass, pulling me back to my first met with Dj 10 months ago, when I crossed by Purdue Memorial Union on my way home. Even though the 'owh-hi' met was on Fall semester, the Indiana's unpredictable weather tells the reason why the memory came back on Summer. Then, I chose to walk by Dj's house using Grant st. between Krannert and Rawls buildings, crossing the block and taking the W. Wood St before N. Salisbury St.

"Cepat la J!! Dah lambat. Nanti sampai dah mula.."
"Sabaq la..Hang ni jalan laju nak mampuih!"
Reminiscing back when I urged Dj at the back of Rawls to walk faster to Switchfoot concert at the end of last Spring at Slayter Hill. I'm 1ft taller than Dj, so as I moved a lil bit faster, she needed to double her efforts to catch up my pace. It was said in the flyers that the concert would be started at 3, and it was 3.30 when we were at the Rawls. I knew we weren't late because the Facebook group said Switchfoot would only perform at 5. It was less than 2 months before Dj's departing to Malaysia. The urge was more to my desire to have certain memorable moment with Dj (sounds sentimental? Dun care...).

I started smiling when passing by Dj's house recalling back the moment we spent during my 1st Winter break before going to Purdue's big rival school - IU. The moment when we played 'Taboo' with Addin, Saini, Safwan, Effy, Anne and Ama. I don't think I would like playing 'Taboo' if my 1st play wasn't with those guys. Addin and Effy was the center of attraction during the game when they collaborated to solve one word AS they were opponents for each other!

"Confirmed?" Addin asked Effy for a confirmation after asking her about a clue to be given so he wouldn't mess up the rules.
"Ya, ya...Confirmed!" Effy confidently answered that w/o realizing that they're opponents!

It wasn't a pleasant Winter for some people as they believe that we should spend the winter at Florida or California in the warm weather, or NYC for great Christmas or New Year eves, rather than wasting your time in the dead-town of Lafayette or Indiana. It's good enough for me to spend the Winter with these kanak2-riang scholars as I'd rather having great moments filling up my despairs of ignoring my only sister, when she sent me to the airport couple months ago, with four Felicities - Dj, Effy, Ama, and Anne, than get stuck in the crowded New Year's or Christmas' celebration in NYC .

And today, I'm glad that I can recall back the moment I chose to be preserved.

As I stepped inside my apartment, it came across my mind, that I have 3 more yrs to spend over here w/o Dj and Effy. How could I preserved those moments with them, so, it'll be fresh and dulcet as it should be? Thus, I decided to create this blog. Noting everything in the past, present, future, and thoughts as my life goes on as a Boilermaker, a MARA scholar, an actuary wannabe, a friend of Effy, DJ, and two angels in my apartment, a son of Kamis and Hasimah, and of course a slave of the Almighty Allah.

the missives

Me and Actuarial Science

Screenplay?

On Milan Kundera's words

Glass

"Legit" - Nico Caldwell (A good friend of mine)

...beloved and sweet land (country) of mine

It's a story of two love affairs.

All over the places.

Le fils de l'épicier (The Grocer's Son)

A charismatic actor

One of a hundred reasons

Celebration of ordinary people

Promises

Quick update

Proud

Man!

Something I always go back to..

From my favorite film

A missive

GratitudeBetween Caley Milliken and You

A missive

Seriously?

And she's gone..

Eros II

You're not alone

Cherry Blossoms - Hanami

Okuribito - Death is not the end of humanity

New!

Happy Go Lucky

Pain

Universal language

Busy ending

Prepared to be lucky

A cherished regret

A tag from Justin

My "pencil"

V-day

Wish you were here

A car?

If You Forget Me

My name is Harvey Milk, and I am here to recruit you - Milk

What do I write?

Calamity?

RIP Ben and Laura

War!

POCtoberfest (Purdue Outing Club October Fest)

A Tag

Ramadhan

Dude next to me

Circle

Weekend & Labor day

It's him again

Reminiscing

In it

Belief

2 months plus

it's a Tag!

Three Cups of Tea

It used to be...

Threat

I'm your stranger. Jump!

Gone

One Love Undivided

Untitled

Dee De Gedee Dang

I'm back to the Red!!

Huh! it's "Once"!!!

Another Tagged post..

Spring Break: Appalachian Trail - North Georgia (Pt. 2)

Spring Break: Appalachian Trail - North Georgia (Pt. 1)

Spring Break - Sneak peek

Happiness is only real when Shared - Christopher Johnson McCandless

Yes, that's him

Rest in Peace Ennis

Gratitude to Joe Wright and McEwan

Un Coeur Invaincu

Finally!

Reconciliation

The List

Gratitude
Between Caley Milliken and You